


The Ace

by AClosetOtaku



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Abe is in way over his head..., Aged-Up Character(s), F/F, Fluff, Gender swap Shiga, Hallucinations, Hatake is a toad., M/M, Mihashi is an innocent cinnamon roll., Panic Attacks, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7853191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AClosetOtaku/pseuds/AClosetOtaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can run from your past but you cant hide. Mihashi is learning that the hard way. The question is, how long can Mihashi stay hidden before his past comes to find him? <br/>This is the story of what might have happened if Mihashi never left Mihoshi...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reality

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so... there's that. I have no idea how many chapters this is going to end up as so bear with me. I will try to post around every other week. Fingers crossed. Hopefully Mihashi and ya'll don't hate me too much. Thinks of Mihashi, too precious for this world. Anywho, I hope you enjoy, if not well that's your prerogative.

Prologue:  
“Mihashi do you understand everything I just told you? If you don’t cooperate with us there is nothing we can do to help. It’s for your own protection.”  
  
I sat in my hospital bed shaking my head in disbelief. This wasn’t happening. I couldn’t believe it. After all this time and they still hadn’t caught him. I looked over at the detective sitting next to my bed. “H-how long? My m-my parents?”  
  
He shifted in his chair at my questions letting out a breath “I wish I could give you a better answer then this Mihashi, but I honestly don’t know. It could be awhile. And as for your parents…” He paused.  
  
My stomach did a flip afraid of his next answer. I looked from the floor to him and back again waiting. He let out another sigh lifting his head to look at me directly.  
  
“I know it won’t be easy Mihashi but it will be safer for you and for them if you go on your own. This is very important Mihashi no one including your parents can know where you are going. It’s the only way to keep everyone safe. They won’t be able to visit but they will be able to call you. There is a woman, Dr. Shiga she will be your handler. She is the only one who knows about….”  
  
“When?” I asked cutting off the detective.  
  
“I’m sorry?” The detective asked confused at my sudden interruption.  
  
“W-when? Leaving? I repeated looking the detective straight in the eye.  
  
“Tonight Mihashi, you need to leave tonight.”

~  
  
“Mihashi?”  
  
“Y-yes?”  
  
“Dr. Shiga is ready for you now.”  
  
I followed the secretary down a short hallway where she stopped at the last door on the right and knocked twice.  
  
“You can go in now” she said as she turned to leave to go back down the hall. I turned the knob and opened the door to a small cozy looking room with four overstuffed chairs one of which was occupied by a slight looking woman with glasses.  
  
“You must be Mihashi Ren” the woman said as she stood up to greet me. She was taller than I expected, just a bit shorter then myself. As she crossed the room I started to panic as I had begun to do upon meeting new people.  
  
“I’m Shiga Tsuyoshi it’s a pleasure to meet you” she said as she stretched her hand towards mine. I stared at it as if it were about to attack. If I took it she would feel how sweaty my palm had become. She would know how nervous I was, how scared I was to be touched. She would know and she would hate…  
  
“Mihashi” I jumped at the sound of my name snapping me out of my spiraling thoughts. I stood head down hands clenched at my sides ashamed of my own behavior.  
  
“It’s alright, why don’t we sit down”. I sneaked a look up at the woman standing across from me. Where I expected to see annoyance or disappointment there was only a small smile standing upon her face. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and followed her over to the chairs. As we sat I watched her scribbling on her clipboard and could only imagine the things she already had to say about me. She stopped writing as abruptly as she started and looked up at me which gave me a jolt. Here it comes I thought, all the questions. Didn’t any of them understand that no matter how many questions they asked the answers would never change, and even if they did that wouldn’t make the pain go away.  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” Dr. Shiga inquired as she set her clipboard down on her lap. “I think you’ll find that compared to your past psychiatrists I go about things a bit differently, starting off with medication” she paused.  
  
“It says here on your chart that you are currently taking several different medications is that correct?” she asked looking from me to the clipboard for confirmation. I could only nod in response.  
  
“I would like to change that” she stated.  
  
“Instead of what you would normally take I am going to prescribe you to take a dose of venlafaxine every day to help manage your depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. It should also help with the nightmares. I am also going to prescribe a dose of clozapine to take only as needed for your more severe panic attacks and hallucinations.” I blinked up at her about to object but before I could she had started speaking again.  
  
“Now I know you’re probably wondering why I am making such a drastic change and the reason for that is quite simple. I feel that sometimes overmedicating is worse than not medicating at all. In your case for instance all these drugs are really doing is covering up what actually needs to be solved. I read over your file and I believe that with therapy and time you can overcome this and no longer need to rely on medication. Right now you are using all of these medications as a crutch. You are hiding Mihashi-kun, from life and from yourself. And that Mihashi, is exactly what I want to help you with. The only question now is, do you want my help?”  
  
I could only stare in shock. No therapist had ever spoken to me like that before. To say Dr. Shiga had been harsh was an understatement. I could feel my mouth hanging open and quickly snapped it shut.  
  
What should I say? Do you want my help? Of course I wanted help isn’t that exactly why I was here. Exactly why I had been seeing multiple therapists for the past six months. Exactly why I had been stuffing myself with all those pills that everyone said would make everything better.  
  
But they hadn’t.  
  
Maybe that’s what Dr. Shiga had meant. She had somehow known that the therapy and the drugs weren’t working and she wanted to help. Really help. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. How could this person that I had just meet understand what others had not? How long had I waited to hear the words that she had just said? She wasn’t being harsh she was saying the truth. And the truth was that I did want help, had wanted help for a long time. I was just too afraid to ask. I had long since given up on trying and she had saw that too.  
  
I could feel heat rising in my chest as my tears finally started to fall a steady stream down my face. I took a deep breath and looked up at Dr. Shiga who was still patiently waiting for my answer.  
  
“Y-yes p-please. I… I would. I would l-like your help. P-please.” I managed to choke out. A wide grin spread across Dr. Shiga’s face and I couldn’t help but smile a little back.  
  
“I am very glad to hear that Mihashi-kun” Dr. Shiga said while handing me a box of tissues. I could feel the hope bubbling up in my chest and it took all my willpower to not squash it back down. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had felt this way and I wanted it to last for as long as possible. But I was also afraid of it. Afraid of what the hope would do to me if I lost it again. Afraid that Dr. Shiga would give up on me like all the others had. Afraid of…  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” I flinched. I had done it again, let myself get lost in my thoughts. Thoughts that would only get worse if I didn’t take control. I slowly lifted my head and looked up to Dr. Shiga who was just staring at me again with those understanding eyes. She gave me a small smile that brought me back to my senses.  
  
“There are a few things I would like to discuss with you before we end our session today, okay?” she looked at me expectantly. I realized she was waiting for an answer so I gave a quick shake of my head.  
  
“Before we meet again I would like you to think of an outlet for yourself.”  
  
“O-outlet?” I squeaked staring in confusion.  
  
“Yes an outlet. Some form of activity that you can do when you feel your emotions building up or when things get too overwhelming for you. Instead of bottling everything up or letting the emotions take you over you can channel all of those feelings into your outlet. Do you understand?”  
  
“Outlet. Overwhelmed. I-I understand” I shook my head. I smiled to myself happy that I actually got what Dr. Shiga was talking about. I was still shaking my head as Dr. Shiga started to speak again.  
  
“Good” she said smiling as she got up from her chair and headed across the room. She stopped at a large brown desk that sat under a window overlooking the courtyard below. She opened a drawer and pulled something out. “I have something for you” she said reclaiming her seat. Her arm crossed the distance between us and holding out to me in her hand was a small notebook. “From now on I would like you to carry this wherever you go.” I tentatively reached out and took the notebook staring at it in my hands. It was just the right size to fit into my pocket I thought to myself.  
  
“W-what for?” I asked.  
  
“I would like you to keep a recording of all of the panic attacks that you have. You should keep track of what time you have it, where you are when it happens and what you were doing at the time. By keeping that notebook with you, you will always have something to write in so you can record it right away so you don’t accidently forget anything. Do you think you can do that?”  
  
“Y-yes!” I exclaimed clutching the small notebook to my chest. “Will k-keep track and w-won’t forget anything” I smiled up at Dr. Shiga who was smiling back.  
  
“Well Mihashi-kun I believe that that is all that I needed to discuss with you for today” Dr. Shiga said standing from her chair. “Do you have any questions?” Standing from my own chair I shake my head no, feeling almost relieved now that the session has ended and nothing terrible happened.  
  
“Well Mihashi-kun if I am not mistaken it is almost time for your physical therapy appointment. Since we ended a bit early today how about I show you the way over there. I shake my head yes grateful that I won’t have to try and find the building myself.  
  
“Shall we?” Dr. Shiga gestures to the door. I nod following Dr. Shiga out of the building and onto the campus. Taking in my new surroundings I listen as Dr. Shiga chatters about the campus every once in a while pointing out certain buildings. I am instantly overwhelmed. I had seen a map of the campus before but it didn’t even compare to what I saw before me now. There were so many buildings some looking so similar to one another I instantly forget which is which after Dr. Shiga points them out. I look down from Dr. Shiga to all of the paths darting in between buildings and every which way and wonder how I will ever remember the correct one to take. As I am contemplating all the different possible ways I can get lost Dr. Shiga stops in front of a particularly large building.  
  
“Here we are, the REC” Dr. Shiga says opening a wide glass door. I follow her inside and almost bump into her when she suddenly stops. I scramble back a few steps and see that we are standing in front of a large reception desk. “Hello Shinooka-chan” Dr. Shiga addresses a short woman standing behind the counter.  
  
“Shiga-hakase!” the short woman exclaims bowing. “It’s nice to see you. Can I help you with something?”  
  
“Yes actually we’re here to see Abe-Kun.”  
  
“Would you like me to go get him for you?”  
  
“Yes that would be great but first there is someone I would like to introduce you to. Mihashi-kun?” Dr. Shiga called out to me. I flinch hearing my name. I peek out from behind Dr. Shiga where I had been doing a not so great job of hiding. “Mihashi this is Shinooka Chiyo she is the manager of the boys baseball team and she also works here at the REC on weekends.”  
  
“It’s nice to meet you Mihashi-kun” Shinooka smiled giving a slight bow. I gaped at her respectful gesture giving me the nerve to step out all the way from behind Dr. Shiga and bow myself.  
  
“N-nice to me-meet you too Shinooka-chan.” I looked up to find both Shinooka and Dr. Shiga smiling back at me.  
  
“I’ll go and fetch Abe-kun for you now” Shinooka said still smiling and then wondered off in search for Abe.  
  
In the five short minutes it had taken Shinooka to locate Abe I had managed to work myself into a respectable panic. I couldn’t stop fidgeting and I was sure I was sweating more then I ought to be. I heard the sound of footsteps approaching but I couldn’t make myself look up. I shifted from foot to foot willing myself to calm down.  
  
“Thank you for finding him for me Shinooka-chan.” Dr. Shiga’s voice broke the silence. “Abe-kun I know we’re early I hope that’s alright.”  
  
“Yeah it’s no problem.”  
  
Upon hearing the sound of a new voice I closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready. It was too soon. What was I thinking coming here? I wasn’t ready for this again, not yet.  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” Dr. Shiga inquired trying to get my attention. “This is Abe Takaya he will be your physical therapist.” My eyes were glued shut. I was squeezing them so tight it almost hurt. I could feel my hands closing into fists, nails digging into my palms but that was nothing compared to the feeling in my chest. My heart was pounding so hard any moment it would burst. I was trapped. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t even realize I had been shaking my head until two light hands fell on my shoulders. I froze.  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” It was Dr. Shiga. A tone of urgency in her voice. “Mihashi-kun I want you to listen to me ok.” I couldn’t move. “I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I didn’t move. “It’s alright Mihashi you can do this. Let me help you.”  
  
Help me. Help me help me help me. I repeated over and over in my head. My breath caught in my throat. Dr. Shiga wanted to help me. She could help me. I needed her to help me. I let my breath go nodding my head and did as I was told. “Good Mihashi. Again deep breath” Dr. Shiga instructed. So I breathed. In through my nose out through my mouth. In and out. Again and again. Until I felt my heart beat slow down and my hands unclench.  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” It was Dr. Shiga again. “Mihashi open your eyes” she urged. Slowly I peeled my eyes open only to bow my head and stare directly at the floor. I kept my concentration on my breathing as Dr. Shiga spoke to me again. “This isn’t like before Mihashi.” I flinched. “Mihashi, look at me.” Reluctantly I lifted my head. Dr. Shiga was standing right in front of me her face a mask of concern. “Everything is going to be ok Mihashi-kun” Dr. Shiga said giving my shoulders a small squeeze. I let my gaze drop back to the floor only to be reprimanded with another squeeze to my shoulders. My eyes snapped back up to find Dr. Shiga’s face set with determination. “You are going to be ok Mihashi. You can do this. I know you can.”  
  
I was amazed. I couldn’t help but stare dumbfounded. The conviction in Dr. Shiga’s voice made me want to believe her. I wanted to believe that this was possible. That everything would be fine. That I could get through this. I looked down from Dr. Shiga’s face to where her hands still rested on my shoulders. She hadn’t given up on me I thought. Not yet at least. Feeling the warmth from her hands I set my shoulders straight and let out a deep breath. If Dr. Shiga hadn’t given up yet then neither would I.  
  
I looked up to see her still staring at me waiting to see if I would pull myself together. I gave her a quick nod of my head telling her I was under control. Dropping her hands from my shoulders she smiled nodding in return.  
  
“I’m going to talk to Abe-kun for a moment ok?” She asked not leaving the spot in front of me all too aware that I wasn’t ready for her to leave my side just yet. I took a few deep breaths then nodded to her signaling that it was ok.  
  
“Shinooka-chan?” Dr. Shiga called.  
  
“Y-yes!” The girl sprung to her side.  
  
“Why don’t you take Mihashi-kun on a tour of the facilities while I talk to Abe-kun.”  
  
“Sure!” Shinooka responded a bright smile on her face. “Follow me Mihashi-kun” Shinooka chirped as she headed off across the room walking right past Abe. I took a deep breath pulling myself away from Dr. Shiga’s side and followed after her. I held my breath as I had to walk past Abe and froze. Starring right at me were the most beautiful gray eyes I had ever seen. They were like a silver storm and the clouds were threatening to pull me in.  
  
“Mihashi-kun?” I gave a jolt at the sound of my name pulling my gaze away from Abe and over to where Shinooka was patiently waiting for me. I darted off after her stumbling over my own feet. As I followed her down a hall I could feel my heart racing again. This time for a very different reason.


	2. Obligations and Distractions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to upload this chapter a week early because its done. But mostly because its basically a filler and you shouldn't have to wait a week for a filler. This isn't Naruto after all. Anywho it's a wordy one so... enjoy.

What. The. Hell. Just. Happened???  
  
Abe stared down the hall at Mihashi’s retreating form thinking this had to be a joke. What was Shiga thinking? Was this mess of a kid seriously supposed to be his patient? He was just an intern after all. He hadn’t even been doing this for a full year yet. How was he possibly supposed to-  
  
“Abe-kun?” Dr. Shiga said snapping him out of his thoughts.  
  
“You’re joking right?” he exclaimed, voice starting to rise. “You can’t be serious? That kid?” Abe pointed down the hall in the direction Mihashi had disappeared. “That kid is supposed to be my patient?!”  
  
“I know what you must be thinking Abe-kun but please hear me out” Dr. Shiga reasoned. Crossing his arms Abe let out a frustrated huff. He nodded his head in compliance, it’s not like he had a choice exactly. He had already promised to take on this new patient the other day when she called. It was only now starting to dawn on him that he probably should have got some background information first.  
  
“First of all-” Dr. Shiga continued. “This is a case of the upmost confidence which means everything I share with you must strictly be kept between the two of us. Is that understood?” Abe once again nodded his head trying not to think too hard about what exactly he had just gotten himself into.  
  
“As you can see Mihashi-kun is a bit of a special case. I can’t exactly go into detail with you but I’ll try to explain things as best I can. Mihashi-kun is currently recovering from multiple injuries and before you ask, no I cannot tell you how he got them.”  
  
“What?!” Abe threw his arms in there air, starting to lose what little self-control he had left. “If I don’t know how he got his injuries then how am I supposed to-?”  
  
“Abe-kun” Dr. Shiga interrupted, letting out a small sigh. “Please let me finish. The only other thing you need to know is that he is currently suffering from a severe case of PTSD so this isn’t exactly going to be easy.”  
  
Abe’s control was officially gone. What the hell was she thinking bringing him a patient like this? A patient who clearly needed to see a real doctor not an intern like him. As worked up as he was getting he couldn’t hold his tongue back any longer.  
  
“That’s it?” he shouted. “That’s all I need to know? That he has multiple “injuries” and a severe case of post-traumatic stress? You’ve got to be kidding me! How am I supposed to help someone with injuries I can’t know anything about and who mentally isn’t ready to be here. It looked like he was about to pass out from just meeting me. Are you sure that I’m the right person to be helping him? I mean I’m just an intern. Don’t you think he needs to be supervised by someone with a bit more experience?” Dr. Shiga let out a long slow breath her gaze never leaving Abe’s which gave him the feeling that he was about to get his ass handed to him. After about a minute of awkward waiting she spoke.  
  
“Honestly Abe-kun I’ve asked myself that multiple times. But it’s partially because you are in fact an intern that I picked you.”  
  
“What?” Abe interrupted, officially confused.  
  
“Let me explain” Dr. Shiga continued. “Mihashi-kun doesn’t need a physical therapist with multiple patients to worry about. He needs the one on one attention that only you can give him. But above all else what Mihashi-kun needs right now is someone he can trust and I’m hoping that person can be you Abe-kun.”  
  
“What? Why does it have to be me? I don’t understand.”  
  
“I wouldn’t be putting you in this position if I didn’t trust you myself. I know this is frustrating, me giving you so little information to work with but I wouldn’t have chosen you if I didn’t think you could handle it.  
  
All I really need you to do is assess his injuries to see how they are healing and to work with him so that they can continue to heal properly. Do you think you can manage that? And I want your honest answer. I can’t be putting you in charge of Mihashi-kun if you’re only going to back out a few weeks from now. I need someone who is going to be one hundred percent committed to this, to him. Nothing less will be tolerated. He deserves someone who is going to give him their all. So tell me Abe-kun, is that person going to be you?”  
  
Abe was speechless. He had never seen Shiga this serious before. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t help but think how Shiga never really answer his question. Why did she pick him? Why did it have to be Abe?  
  
Part of the reason that Abe had come to this University in the first place was because of their outstanding Physical Therapy program. Which meant that there was no short supply of therapists who could be working with Mihashi. So that once again left him with why him? Did it really matter though? Did it matter that Shiga had picked him over someone else.  
  
On the one hand Abe was almost flattered on the other he was beyond overwhelmed. Clearly this kid was going to be a lot of work. A lot more work than Abe had bargained for. But that was his answer right there wasn’t it. He had already promised Shiga the other day on the phone when she had called that he would do this. No, he hadn’t know exactly what he had been getting himself into at the time but that didn’t really matter did it. He had given his word. He couldn’t back out now. Abe took a deep breathe composing himself and looked Shiga in the eye.  
  
“I don’t go back on my word” he said. “I told you before I would help so that’s what I’ll do.” Shiga smiled like she had known this would be his answer all along.  
  
“Then it’s settled” she said. “You can start your physical therapy with him tomorrow. As for now I’ll be showing him to his dorm. I hope you don’t mind I heard that you were lacking a roommate so I took the liberty of assigning Mihashi-kun to your dorm. “  
  
“You What?!” Abe shouted, about to protest.  
  
“This way we can keep a better eye on his progress. It works out nicely don’t you think?”  
  
“Wait, I’m not-”  
  
Dr. Shiga promptly cut him off.  
  
“Thank you for your understanding Abe-kun. I’m sure everything will work out just fine. Oh and Abe-kun? Above everything that I have just told you, it is imperative that Mihashi-kun never learn that you are a catcher.”  
  
“Wait, what?!”  
  
Abe could only stand stunned as Shiga disappeared down the hall. Thinking to himself once again…  
  
What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?  
  
~  
  
The tour of the REC had been a blur. Shinooka was an endless pit of information that I couldn’t even begin to try and absorb. The walk to the dorms with Dr. Shiga wasn’t any different. It had been a long day and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take in.  
  
I shuffled my feet from building to building hoping at each one that this would be the one we were headed to. Finally after passing what seemed to be the hundredth building Dr. Shiga came to a stop. She pulled a card out of her bag and flashed it at a little square monitor that turned green. There was a short buzzing noise and the door in front of us swung open.  
  
I followed her to another door that lead to a staircase. We climbed to the second floor and entered a long hallway. We walked all the way down the hall and then took a right bringing us to yet another hallway. Halfway down the hall Dr. Shiga stopped at a door on the left, room 226. Dr. Shiga held the card out to me that she had used to get into the building. I looked at the card a little surprised to see my own face staring back at me. My head snapped from the card to Dr. Shiga.  
  
“Th-this is a p-picture of me. Wh-.”  
  
“That Mihashi-kun is your student ID” Dr. Shiga said tapping the card. “It also serves as your room key and your meal plan so make sure not to lose it.”  
  
I looked once again at the card in my hand wondering how I would keep track of something so small. That’s when I noticed the name on the card. I read it out loud “Mihashi Ryuu-no-suke”. Ryuunosuke not Ren? I didn’t understand and then it dawned on me. I had already forgot that no one here knew my name, could know my name. I looked back to Dr. Shiga who gave me a small smile.  
  
“Make sure to remember that name and get used to it so you respond back to it properly. Ok Ryuu-kun?” Dr. Shiga said with a wink. “Well then let’s go inside shall we?”  
  
My hand only shook a little bit as I slid the card through the keypad. Just like the door downstairs there was a flash of green and the door unlocked. I took a deep breath as I turned the handle pushing the door open into what would be my new home.  
  
I walked into a spacious living area with a large couch, coffee table and TV. Behind that was a decent sized kitchen with an island counter where you could sit. I wasn’t expecting there to be a kitchen. A little smile snuck up my face to think that I could cook here. Of all the changes that were happening lately it made me happy to think that cooking didn’t have to be one of them. Cooking had always calmed me and it was comforting to know that I wouldn’t have to give that up.  
  
I looked over from the kitchen to see Dr. Shiga heading down a little hallway to the left that I hadn’t noticed when I walked in.  
  
“This way Mihashi-kun” she called after me. I hurried down the short hall following her through the door on the right.  
  
“This is your room Mihashi-kun. As you can see all of your things have been brought here” she said gesturing to the boxes scattered about.  
  
“Why don’t we sit for a minute Mihashi-kun” she said gesturing to the two chairs in the room. Dr. Shiga sat in the wooden chair at the desk which left me with the overstuffed chair pushed into the corner of the room. I sat holding my hands in my lap trying to keep myself from fidgeting too much.  
  
“There are just a few things I would like to go over with you before I take my leave. First off is your ID. Like I said before it functions not only as your room key but can also be used for your meal plan at any dining hall on campus. So make sure to keep it in a safe place.” Dr. Shiga then pulled out a large yellow envelop from her bag and handed it to me.  
  
“In this envelop contains a map of the school campus with other detailed maps of all the buildings and their emergency exits. I know it’s a lot but I would like you to look those over and to memorize as much as you can. There is also a list of all the campus emergency numbers including my own and the detectives.” I couldn’t help but start to tremble at the thought of having to memorize emergency routes. It made me think of him and everything else I was trying hard to forget.  
  
“I don’t mean to worry you Mihashi-kun” Dr. Shiga said looking at my shaking form.  
  
“I just want you to be as prepared as you can just in case.”  
  
“I-I understand” I said, squeezing my hands even tighter, clutching the envelope to my chest trying to stop the shaking.  
  
Giving a nod Dr. Shiga started speaking again.  
  
“The last thing you’ll find in the envelope is the list of classes you’re signed up for. And before you worry-” she said holding her hands up at my small protest.  
  
“All of the classes are online. I figured we’d start assimilating you in slowly and at the end of this semester we can see where you are and whether you’re up for taking a sit in class or not. Also on your desk you’ll find a new laptop for your school work and a cell phone. I’ve already taken the liberty of programing in the numbers on the list.”  
  
“Now” Dr. Shiga said taking a deep breath. “With the cell phone comes some rules. You are not permitted to make any calls outside of campus which means local calls only. Do you understand?”  
  
“What? My, m-my Parents?” I asked, concern spreading across my face.  
  
“Don’t worry Mihashi-kun” Dr. Shiga said reassuringly. “You are permitted to call them once a week but it will have to be from a special phone in my office. If you would like, you can call them tomorrow to let them know that you’ve gotten settled in.” I gave a small smile and shook my head agreeing this would be fine.  
  
“The third thing is about your medication. I’ve already collected your old medication so I would like you to start on your new medication tomorrow morning. I’ve had all of the prescriptions filled and put them in the top drawer of your bedside table.” My gaze followed to where she pointed to a small little dresser sitting to the left of the bed.  
  
“Now it’s going to take some time getting used to, so you’ll probably feel a bit sluggish for the next few days. If you happen to have any other concerning side effects please let me know right away.” I once again shook my head making a mental note to watch out for any strange symptoms I might get.  
  
“The last, but above all, most important thing I need to remind you of Mihashi-kun is that you are not permitted to go off campus for any reason. Do you understand? You must stay on campus at all times.” Dr. Shiga gave me a look saying that in this situation a verbal response was required.  
  
“Y-yes I understand” I said shaking my head. “Will not l-leave for any reason.”  
  
“I’m glad you understand” Dr. Shiga said abruptly rising from her chair.  
  
“Well Mihashi-kun unless you have any questions about anything I won’t take up any more of your time and will leave you to unpack.” I shook my head no, not being able to think of anything at the moment. I stood following Dr. Shiga but paused in the doorway. Across the hall directly across from my room was another door I hadn’t noticed when I originally came down the hall. The bathroom perhaps? I thought to myself. Slowly I opened the door and to my shock I opened the door not into a bathroom but another bedroom. But whose was it? I didn’t understand. Dr. Shiga never mentioned this. I ran down the hall and caught Dr. Shiga just as she was about to leave.  
  
Flustered I asked pointing down the hall “Bedroom. Not Mine. Whose?”  
  
“Oh yes” Dr. Shiga said like it wasn’t a big deal at all. “I thought it would be best if you weren’t left completely alone so you’ll be sharing the dorm with Abe-kun.”  
  
I froze.  
  
“Is that all Mihashi-kun?” Dr. Shiga asked. I nodded my head slowly not trusting myself to speak.  
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow then” she said and was out the door.  
  
I stood there in front of the door for what seemed like forever. I had to live with Abe. I couldn’t believe it. After embarrassing myself in front of him this afternoon I was already dreading seeing him tomorrow for physical therapy, but to have to live with him too? I would die of embarrassment before the week was over.  
  
I sighed shaking my head. I just wouldn’t think about it. I just needed to distract myself. I would go to my room and unpack that was a good idea.  
  
I headed back down the hall to my room and paused just a moment to long before walking through my door. Across from my room was Abe’s where the door still stood wide open from when I opened it before. A pair of dark silver eyes flashed across my mind giving me a jolt. I gave out a little squeak falling into my room where I shut the door firmly behind me. Apparently distracting myself wasn’t going to be as easy as it sounded.


	3. Promise and Impulses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok just a few things that I want to clear up, I might use a few Japanese words here and there so I'll leave the meaning of the words here in the notes for those who don't know. 
> 
> Hakase- honorific for Professor or Dr. 
> 
> Not much to say about this one other then it was actually more frustrating then I thought to get out. Other then that thanks for sticking with me and hope you enjoy. 
> 
> P.s. for future reference I hope to keep an every other week post date for those who are wondering when I will be updating next.

I woke up in a panic, half in half out of a nightmare. For a moment I had forgotten where I was. I sat bolt upright when it dawned on me that I was in my new dorm room. My hand clutching my chest I sucked in gulps of cool air trying to slow my heart down. I would never get used to the nightmares but it’s how I had started waking up since “that” happened. 

Once I got my breathing back under control I slowly crawled out of bed. My shirt was clinging to my body, soaked through with sweat. I pulled it off over my head and tossed it in the direction of the hamper. 

I started digging around in the boxes I had failed to finish unpacking last night in search for a clean one. I grabbed out and tossed on the first thing I found. Looking at all the half empty boxes I made a mental note to finish unpacking tonight. But before that I had to get through my first day here.

I walked over to my nightstand opening the top drawer. I pulled out my medications and read the labels making sure I was taking the right amount. I shook the pills out of the bottle that I needed and realized I had no water. I would have to go to the kitchen. And to get to the kitchen I would have to walk down the hall. And the moment I left my room to do that I would have to face Abe. I could feel myself shaking a panic coming on. 

I had to get myself under control. I couldn’t let him see me like this, not again. He would hate me. And if he hated me then he wouldn’t be my PT anymore. And then I would have to tell Dr. Shiga. And then she would hate me, and then she wouldn’t help me anymore, and I needed her help, I needed IneededIneededIneeded-

There was loud crash and I jumped almost dropping my pills. My pills. That’s right I had to take my medicine. Whatever the noise was it had pulled me out of my head just in time. I had to get to the kitchen and take my medicine it would help. But what was that noise. Had it come from the kitchen? Was it Abe? Was he ok? I had to do something. I took a deep breath opening my door a crack. I would just peek down the hall. 

There was another crash that sounded like something falling. Followed by “Son of a bitch!” I was about to retreat back into my room when, is that smoke?

I threw my door open running down the hall. I got to the kitchen and paused. There were pots and pans all over the floor. That must have been what all the noise was. And standing over the toaster, leering, was Abe. 

“A-Abe-kun?” I managed to squeak out.

Abe whirled around dropping from his hand what I could only assume was a piece of toast, blackened beyond recognition. 

“Shit you scared me” Abe said, hand over his chest. “I didn’t hear you come in. I didn’t wake you did I?” he said looking from the mess on the floor back to myself. I shook my head no, too intimidated to speak up. 

“I just figured since it was your first day here and all I would make breakfast but as you can see” Abe bent down picking up the piece of “toast”, waving it in the air. “I’m not exactly much of a cook.” He walked over to the trash throwing it away “is cereal ok?” 

I nodded my head yes, not sure of what else to do. I wanted to tell him that I could cook but I didn’t want to make him mad. I watched Abe wander around the kitchen grabbing bowls and spoons, placing them on the counter. He looked back over at me where I was still standing at the edge of the hall way.

“You can come sit down” he offered, pointing to a stool. I looked from the stools to Abe who was already putzing around again. I slowly made my way over to the counter keeping one eye on Abe the whole way. I chose a stool in the middle and sat. Abe came over to the counter two cereal boxes in hand.

“All I have is shredded wheat and frosted flakes I hope that’s ok” he said putting the boxes down in front of me. I looked from the boxes to the pills in my hand that I was supposed to take before eating. Abe came back with the milk setting it down, looking from my empty bowl to me.

“Are you not hungry?” he asked.

“N-no” I shook my head.

“Oh, well you should probably-” Abe started but I cut him off. He misunderstood me.

“N-no” I said shaking my head again. “Y-yes, am hungry. I j-just. I h-have.” Abe stared at me a puzzled look on his face. I had to get this out. I tried again. 

“I-I ne-need to t-take. B-before I eat.” I opened my hand that was still holding my pills. 

“Oh you need to take your medicine first?” Abe asked looking from my hand to me. “Do you need something to drink?” I shook my head yes. “Is water ok?” Abe asked, pulling a cup out of the cupboard. 

“Y-yes, w-water is fine.” He set the glass down in front of me.

“Th-thank you” I said, picking up the glass. After taking the pills I set the glass back down relieved I had finally taken the medicine. I smiled up at Abe who smiled back. 

With my medicine taken care of I reached over choosing the frosted flakes, and poured myself a bowl. Abe did the same with the shredded wheat. We ate in comfortable silence, only when we were done did Abe start talking. 

“Did you get a chance to look at your schedule yet? He asked. I nodded my head yes. I had made sure to look at it last night before going to bed. 

“Are you ok with the time we have set up? It doesn’t conflict with any of your classes does it?” 

“M-my classes. They are. Th-they are online so. So any time. Any time i-is good” I said looking from my hands to Abe. Abe was quiet for a moment I could tell he was thinking something out in his head. I just hoped he didn’t ask what I knew he was thinking. It wasn’t normal to be staying on campus in a dorm when all of your classes were online. I was an exception. I could tell he was getting ready to speak and I winced ready for him to question.

“Well whenever you’re ready then we’ll get going.” I sighed in relief. If Abe had any questions he had kept them to himself, which I appreciated. As Abe cleared the dishes I realized I had no idea if I needed anything or what I should wear.   
“A-Abe-kun?” Abe turned around towel in hand.

“Yeah?”

“I-I don’t. I’m n-not sure. Wh-what to wear.” I was clutching my shirt looking down at the counter to afraid to make eye contact. Was it ok to ask him? Would he be mad? Would-.

“You’re not sure what you should wear?” Abe’s voice broke through my thoughts. I shook my head no. “You can wear whatever you want really. What did you wear before?” Abe’s question caught me off guard. I didn’t know what he meant.

“B-before?” I dared ask.

“Yeah before” Abe said walking back to the counter. I stared at Abe confused still not sure what he was talking about. From the look on my face he seemed to realize that to. 

“You know before, wherever else you had physical therapy before this. What did you wear there?” I think I understood what Abe meant but I hadn’t been anywhere before this. I was just at the hospital and all I wore there was one of those gowns. That’s why I wasn’t sure what to wear now. Surely Abe didn’t expect me to wear one of those, did he?

“H-hospital gown” I said refusing to make eye contact.

“Wait, what?” Abe asked shaking his head.

“Hospital” I started but was cut off.

“No, I heard you I just…” Abe paused something clicking in his head. “Mihashi, did you do any physical therapy outside the hospital?” I froze. Panic setting in. What should I say? I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about anything specific, did this count? Would Shiga be mad if I told? What would happen if I did? Would I get in trouble? Would they make me leave? I could feel myself shaking, I couldn’t stop.

“Hey” Abe said, standing next to me. When did he come around the counter? 

“Hey, it’s ok if you haven’t. I just…” Abe paused shaking his head. “I can’t believe Shiga didn’t tell me…” Abe stopped, looking back to Mihashi, who had gone white. “Mihashi?” My shaking was now out of control. Shiga hadn’t told him. Shiga hadn’t told him and I just had. What was I going to do now? Should I tell Shiga? What if Abe told? What if Abe got in trouble now because he knew?

“Hey Mihashi? Hey I said it was ok.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched so hard I almost fell off the stool. I saw two hands grab me and I instantly put my arms up in defense. I hid behind my arms like a wall with “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” repeating in my head. 

“I’m not going--” Abe paused, letting go of me. “I wouldn’t hurt you Mihashi. You need to know that.”

I wasn’t listening to Abe. I couldn’t. Not with my head so full. The words started to tumble from my head and out my mouth and I couldn’t stop it from happening. 

“I’m s-sorry” I choked out, tears streaming down my face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry--”

“Hey” Abe said, trying to get my attention. “Hey, Mihashi. Look at me.” I shook my head the words still spilling out of my mouth no hope to stop them. Two hands landed on my shoulders squeezing so tight I almost yelped.

“Mihashi!” the tone in Abe’s voice had my head snapping up and my mouth closing. My eyes found his instantly and I couldn’t breathe. I had never seen eyes like his before. They were the most beautiful gray I had ever seen and they were not filled with the hate and anger I expected but with determination. 

“Mihashi listen to me” Abe said standing up letting go of my shoulders. “I need you to calm down ok” he said leaning forward grabbing one of my hands. I tried to pull away but he was faster. He held my hand to his tightly keeping mine from squirming away. He brought both of our hands up between us palm to palm loosening his grip. He held our hands like that until I realized nothing bad was about to happen. 

“Just focus on me” he said giving our hands a squeeze. I let out a small shaky breath focusing on our hands and how warm Abe’s was. I could feel my heart starting to slow and my breathing evening out. I looked up at Abe stunned. 

“Good” he said letting out a breath of his own. “Now, I’m not sure what the hell just happened but this is something that you need to know. I am never going to hurt you Mihashi. Do you understand that?” In that moment Abe looked so serious I tried to pull away. He only tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me closer.

“Don’t pull away from me” he said pulling me closer still. I was now so close I could feel his breath on my skin, which sent shivers down my back. “This isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me. If you can do that, if you can work with me I promise I will help you.” 

I wanted to believe Abe so bad, almost more then I wanted to run away. But I also wanted to stop running. I wanted to trust Abe but I was afraid. Afraid that once I trusted him and he trusted me back I would just end up disappointing him. And then I would lose him. But here he was gripping my hand eyes set with determination. I had to at least try. 

“P-promise?” I said, my gaze not leaving those gray eyes that had become dangerously close. Abe leaned in bringing those eyes even closer until his forehead was touching mine.

“I promise” he said.

Abe was pulling away, the moment ending too soon. Abe’s forehead left mine and I was already missing it there. He cleared his throat backing away, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. 

“So…” he started. “Just a pair of sweats and a shirt should be fine. I’ll, um, finish the dishes then we can leave.” With that Abe walked away going back to the kitchen.

I watched Abe for a moment, my heart racing. I could still feel the warmth of his hand on mine. I put my hand to my forehead remembering where they had just touched, a feeling rising in my chest. I wasn’t sure what it was but I didn’t want it to go away. I watched Abe a moment longer, turning on the sink going back to the dishes as if none of this had just happened. I realized he was almost finished, I had paused for too long. I clutched my hand trying to keep the warmth that Abe had left inside. With a smile I slipped off my stool and headed back to my room to change. 

~

The REC was always busy this time of morning. Everyone getting in that one last run or workout before heading off to class. Abe in particular could normally be found doing just that most mornings. Today was no exception. The only difference was following behind him was the fidgeting mess of Mihashi. 

The walk to the REC was relatively short. Every once in a while Abe would take a moment to pause to make sure Mihashi was still trailing behind him. Other than that it didn’t take them any longer then it normally would have taken Abe to get there by himself. Which actually surprised Abe a little bit, Mihashi looked like a doddler. When they got to the REC Abe headed straight in stopping at the front desk.

“Good morning Abe-kun!” came the cheery voice of Shinooka.

“Morning” Abe replied stepping up to the desk. 

“Oh Mihashi-kun, I almost didn’t see you there” Shinooka said peering around Abe. “Good morning to you too.” 

“G-good morning” Mihashi said looking from the floor to Shinooka and back down again.

“Shiga-hakase said that you would be coming she left me this for you.” Shinooka pulled a large manila folder out from under the desk and put it on the counter next to Abe who was in the middle of signing a clipboard. Abe finished signing, grabbing the folder. He honestly hadn’t expected to get any other information from Shiga so the envelope was a bit of a surprise. Abe couldn’t wait to trifle through it.

“Thanks” he said picking up the clipboard. “Here” he said handing the clipboard over to Mihashi. “You need to sign this.” Mihashi slowly took the clipboard from Abe looking down at the form. 

“Wh-what--?” Mihashi started.

Abe anticipating this question said “it’s just a form you have to sign when you get here and before you leave so they can keep track of whose coming and going.” Mihashi nodded in response. 

Looking back down to the form Mihashi saw that you had to fill out your name, the time, and the date. He picked up the pen starting to sign his name when he froze. His name. He was about to write his name down his real name. It’s a good thing he had only gotten the R down. Almost crisis avoided, Mihashi finished writing the name he was now expected to, and filled out the rest of the form. 

He stood there staring at the paper and at how different this name looked. He didn’t like it, it felt so wrong. But no matter how it felt it was one of the only things right now keeping him safe.

Abe looked back and forth from Mihashi to the clipboard in his hands wondering what could be taking him so long. He was right, doddler, he thought. 

“You done?” Abe asked staring at Mihashi. Mihashi nodded handing him back the clipboard. Abe took it placing it back on the counter.

“Thanks Shinooka” Abe said holding the folder up for emphasis. 

“You’re welcome” she said smiling back.

Abe then turned, walking off, Mihashi in tow. They headed off down a series of hallways passing doors and rooms only some of which Mihashi caught a peek inside of. So far there had only been small rooms all of which had been offices.

They eventually came up to an open door on the left that Abe headed inside of. It was a small room with just some chairs lining the walls. On the far wall was another open door, next to it was an open window where an older looking woman stood behind. Abe walked up to the window, the woman on the other side smiling at him in recognition.

“Abe-kun! How are you dear?”

“I’m good Marie. How are you?”

“Oh I’m doing just fine. What can I do for you?”

“I’m here with a new patient that I believe Shiga-hakase should have told you about and I need to get him some updated x-rays.”

“Yes she did. Why don’t you take him on back and get him all set up and I’ll be back there in a minute.”

“Alright, thanks Marie.”

Abe took Mihashi through the door and down a short hallway to another room. When they got inside Abe went to a cupboard and pulled something out. When he turned back around he saw that Mihashi had started to fidget again. Did he ever stand still? 

Abe walked over to Mihashi holding out the hospital gown he had taken from the cupboard. Mihashi looked from the gown to his clothes and back again. The face Mihashi had made when he saw the gown was priceless.

“I-I thought… A-Abe-kun said…”Abe pinched his nose holding in a laugh.

“You just need to wear this for the x-rays” Abe said once again holding the gown out to Mihashi. Mihashi took it this time clutching it to his chest. Abe watched Mihashi for a moment fidgeting back and forth clearly uncomfortable about something.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. It took a few minutes for Mihashi to answer but Abe tried to wait patiently.

“L-last time. The x-rays. They h-hurt last time. W-will they… Are th-they… Is it going to hurt again?” Abe stood confused trying to make sense of Mihashi’s broken sentences.

“The last time you got x-rays it hurt?” Abe asked for conformation. Mihashi nodded his head avoiding Abe’s gaze. Abe wasn’t sure what to say. He knew that the x-rays themselves didn’t cause any pain. Although they might be uncomfortable depending on the position you were made to hold your body, but they weren’t painful. So why would Mihashi have been in pain? Abe thought for a minute and then it clicked.

“Mihashi they last time you got x-rays, it was right after you were injured, right?” Mihashi once again nodded his head confirming Abe’s suspicion. Now how was he supposed to explain this to Mihashi?

“Mihashi look at me” Abe said trying to get the boys attention. Abe watched Mihashi slowly lift his head looking at him, a touch of panic in his eyes. Now that he knew the boy was listening he could explain.

“Mihashi the reason the x-rays hurt last time was because you had just been injured. X-rays themselves don’t actually hurt.” Abe watched Mihashi intently as he talked to see if he was catching on. Abe wasn’t sure, seeing as how Mihashi had made absolutely no reaction, so he explained further.

“Because you had just been injured you were in pain. The x-rays weren’t what was causing you to hurt, it was your injuries. Do you understand?” Abe waited silently for conformation. He watched as Mihashi rolled this information around in his head trying to make sense of it. He saw it in Mihashi’s eyes as he finally understood.

“So th-this time. This time it w-won’t hurt” Mihashi stated, confirming that he understood.

“Right” Abe said, giving Mihashi a quick nod. “Are you ok to do this then?” Abe felt the need to ask.

“Yes!” Mihashi almost shouted, startling Abe. “I-I can do th-this.” Abe gave a soft chuckle at Mihashi’s enthusiasm. Well at least he’s not crying again, Abe thought.

“Good” Abe said keeping the smile on his face. “I’ll leave so you can put that on” he said pointing to the gown Mihashi was still clutching. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with Marie and then we can get started, ok?” Mihashi swiftly nodded his head back in forth, so much so that for a moment Abe thought it might snap. Abe just laughed to himself and left the room. 

~

The x-rays were taking a lot longer than Abe had anticipated. He could tell it was starting to take its toll on Mihashi too. After that last picture it was visible that Mihashi had started to shake a bit. Abe leaned over to the intercom and spoke into it.

“How are you holding up Mihashi?” Abe watched through the glass panel in front of him as Mihashi tried to keep still. 

“I’m o-ok” came the slow response. Abe was about to answer back when Mihashi spoke again. “M-my, my arm is tired” he said, his face a bit red. Abe had not expected Mihashi to answer so truthfully. From what little Abe had seen Mihashi was the type to keep things to himself, just to keep from burdening others. If he was admitting this, he must be more exhausted then Abe thought.

“We just need to take a few more and then we’re done ok. Do you think you can hold out a bit longer?” Abe asked, knowing what the answer would be. After a moment Mihashi nodded his head. Abe felt bad for pushing Mihashi like this, but if Shiga wasn’t going to tell him anything, he needed as many x-rays as he could get. 

While Abe waited for the x-rays to take, he looked into the folder from Shiga. As Abe expected it was almost useless. There were charts and reports from the hospital Mihashi had stayed at, with almost all the information blacked out. The only useful thing Abe had learned from them was what Mihashi’s height and weight used to be. Looking back at Mihashi he clearly didn’t weigh that anymore. He had lost at least fifteen pounds from what Abe could guess. Abe would have to make sure to get him on a scale soon. 

What Abe hadn’t expected to find was that Shiga had given him all of Mihashi’s previous x-rays. Abe looked over them almost frantically trying to learn as much from them as he could. Abe held them up to the light one after the other and felt his anger blossom. What in the hell had happened to this kid? He looked from the images in his hand to Mihashi in the other room and felt the sudden urge to throw something, his hands clenching into fists. 

Abe had only been taking these x-rays of Mihashi as a defiance against Shiga. He didn’t actually think he was going to find anything. He looked back down to the x-rays in his hand and tensed. The injuries they were showing were far more extensive then Abe could have even dreamed of. 

Abe had assumed that Mihashi had some sort of sports injury as most patients here did. After all that’s what they specialized in, sports medicine. But what Abe was looking at, what the images were showing was more in lined with something you would get from a high speed car crash. “What happened to you?” Abe whispered to himself. 

Getting his thoughts back together Abe turned to Marie. “Can I get a close up of his right arm, his left leg and his ribs please” Abe asked. 

“Sure thing” Marie replied standing from her chair.

When Marie left the room to go reposition Mihashi Abe once again leaned into the intercom. “You’re doing great Mihashi. We’re only going to take three more and then we’re done, ok?” Abe watched as Mihashi nodded again, relief spreading across his face. 

After the last three were done Abe let out a little sigh of relief. 

“All done” Marie said standing from her chair. “The pictures are going to take a while to develop so I’ll give you a call when they are finished.”

“Sounds good, thanks Marie” Abe said also getting up. Abe left the room and headed next door to go and get Mihashi. 

“We’re all done” Abe said entering the room. “You can get down now.” Mihashi practically flew off the platform tripping in his haste. Abe ran over catching him just in time. “You ok?” Abe asked, getting Mihashi back on his feet. Mihashi nodded his head, quickly stepping back from Abe. 

As he stepped back Abe couldn’t help but take in Mihashi’s form. He looked so much skinnier then Abe remembered. He took in his slim limbs which had almost no muscle whatsoever. He paused when his glance returned to Mihashi’s right arm. Running from wrist to elbow on his inner arm was an ugly pink scar. 

Before Abe knew what he was doing he was in front of Mihashi holding his arm. How had he not noticed this before? He thought back to every moment he had been around Mihashi and then he realized. He always wears long sleeves, Abe thought to himself. Abe sighed, I wonder if he does it on purpose to hide the scars? 

Abe slowly traced over the scar with his thumb following the path it took from Mihashi’s elbow down to his wrist. He was just about to turn his arm over to examine the other side when he heard a soft gasp. 

Abe’s head snapped up and came face to face with a pair of golden eyes. Mihashi was staring right at him, panic written all over his face. Abe dropped Mihashi’s arm as if it had burned, quickly taking a step back. Mihashi instantly lifted his arm and clutched it to his chest. For a moment Abe was afraid that Mihashi had stopped breathing. He had gone completely still rigid from head to toe.

“Mihashi I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” The words came spilling out of Abe’s mouth. He looked back to Mihashi who was still just standing there staring at him. After a moment, like out of a trance Mihashi shook his head breaking his eye contact now staring at the floor. 

“It, it won’t happen again” Abe almost stuttered, still flustered with himself. He stood there staring at Mihashi who for once looked calmer then Abe. What the hell was he doing? He wasn’t impulsive like that. He didn’t just go up and grab people. But there was something about Mihashi that seemed to throw all of his logic out the window. It was like all rational thought left his head and he was just left with basic urges. 

Abe was steadily working himself up which couldn’t lead to anything good, he needed some air. He looked back to Mihashi who seemed to be fine now, his normal fidgety self.

Looking back down to the floor Abe cleared his throat “Marie said it was going to take some time for the x-rays to develop, so…” Abe looked around the room for help he was clearly not getting. Abe had never been one for a loss for words but here he was flustered beyond belief not a thing to say. “You can, um, change back into your clothes now. I’ll just, I’ll wait outside” and with that before he could do anything else stupid he left the room.


	4. Sedatives and Outlets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have stuck with me up until this point. I know, I know. It's only ch 4 and I have already become one of those "I said I would post every other week but it actually took me a month" kind of people... Ooops. Well it's here now so... sorry for the wait? I know so far its been a lot of info/background but I promise next ch. things are gonna start to happen... "Things..." "Happening..." I'll leave you to dwell on that...

“Well Mihashi-kun lets dive right in shall we? How did you sleep last night?” I looked from Shiga to the hands sitting in my lap. I was still confused about what had happened with Abe earlier today and I really didn’t feel like talking about why I couldn’t sleep. 

“I-I h-had a nightmare.”

“Was it about what the past?” I nodded my head yes, my gaze never leaving my hands. I really didn’t want to talk about my nightmares. It only made them more real. But I knew that wouldn’t stop Shiga from asking.

“Do you want to talk about it? I hesitated for a moment. Would she make me talk about it even though I didn’t want to? I really hoped not. Squeezing my eyes shut I shook my head no, praying she would move on.

“Did you take your medication this morning?” Nodding my head yes, relived she hadn’t pressed the issue, I opened my eyes, letting out a small breath. I knew Shiga wanted to help but there were some things I just couldn’t talk about. Not yet at least. 

“Remember like I said before, if you start to have any side effects or you aren’t feeling right make sure to let me know right away.” 

“I w-will” I said nodding my head quickly in response. I hadn’t felt any different then I normally did, but I knew I still had to keep an eye out for any changes.

“How was your first day of physical therapy with Abe-kun?” I froze, only for a moment but it was long enough for Shiga to notice. 

“It was… o-okay” I said trying to play it off. I fiddled with my hands trying to ignore the thumping in my chest. I was afraid to tell her about Abe. I still wasn’t quite sure what happened with him. But I was afraid if I talked about it Shiga might get mad. I was supposed to be working with Abe but I just kept on upsetting him and I didn’t know why. Abe was already mad at me, I didn’t want Shiga to be mad too. Or maybe she already knew. Maybe she had figured it out. Maybe Abe told her it wasn’t working. Maybe—

“Mihashi-kun? You look upset, did something happen?” My breath caught in my throat. I wiped my hands on my pants, now slick with sweat. If she kept on pushing I didn’t know if I’d be able to hold back. 

“Mihashi you know you can tell me anything. That’s what I’m here for. For you to tell me what’s bothering you so I can try and help. But I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” I clutched at my hands again trying to keep myself under control. 

Maybe Shiga was right. Maybe I was thinking about this all wrong. Would it really be that bad to tell her? Shiga wanted to help me. She kept on saying so. And she was right, if I didn’t tell her what was wrong I would never figure it out. Even though everything inside of me was screaming not to, I took a breath and told Shiga what happened. 

“A-Abe-kun took x-rays. They d-didn’t hurt this time. Just like… like he said they w-wouldn’t. But m-my arm. It got… it got t-tired. And after, he… I think he’s m-mad at me now.” I clutched my hands to my chest, my breathing coming a bit faster now. I waited for Shiga to yell at me.

“Why do you think he’s mad?”

“I-I p-pulled away again. Before, he, he t-told me not to. T-told m-me not to pull away f-from him. B-but I did. I d-did it again. But he, he w-was…”

“What was he doing MIhashi? Did Abe-kun hurt you?” I shook my head no, my breathing officially out of control. The words were spilling out of my mouth now and I couldn’t stop them.

“He w-was. M-my scar. He didn’t h-hurt me. Said he w-wouldn’t. But he, he saw it. I didn’t want h-him to. Said he was s-sorry. But I-I pulled away. And n-now, now he’s m-mad.” 

“Mihashi-kun, did you ever think that maybe the person Abe-kun is mad with is himself? It is possible that Abe-kun got caught up in the moment and didn’t think about how you would feel. So that could mean Abe-kun is upset with himself for acting carelessly.” My eyes snapped up to where Shiga was sitting. What was she saying? Abe was mad at himself because he didn’t think about my feelings? And if Abe was mad about that did that mean, did Abe care about me?

“You have to understand Mihashi-kun” Shiga said leaning forward in her chair, “I put Abe-kun in a very difficult position. It would be good to remember that you and Abe-kun are both in this together. He made a commitment to help you with your rehab and I know he won’t go back on his word. So it’s up to you now to show Abe-kun that you are going to do your part and let him help you. Do you think you can do that?” So Abe had made a commitment to Shiga, that’s what it was. The feeling that had bubbled up in my chest had died a little bit. Abe did care just not the way I thought he might. Shiga was right Abe had made a commitment and was trying to work with me. I would just have to try to let him.

“I-I will t-try.”

“Good” Shiga said sitting back in her chair once again. “Now, the other day I mentioned to you about an outlet. Have you had a chance to think about that yet?” I dropped my gaze back down, shaking my head no. I had completely forgotten.

“Well why don’t we try to think of something now?” Shiga said twiddling the pen in her hand. “What are some things you enjoy doing?” Something I enjoyed doing, I thought to myself. There had only ever been one thing that I really enjoyed but I couldn’t do that anymore. I looked back up at Shiga who was patiently awaiting my answer. I hurriedly dropped my gaze back down, not knowing what to say.

Shiga seeming to realize she wasn’t getting an answer tapped her pen to her chin. “How about something that you shared with your parents, did you and your parents do anything special together?” My parents. My heart hurt a little when I thought of them and not how it should. My head told me I should miss them, but my heart had its own opinion. 

“M-my dad was out of t-town a lot. And m-my mom she w-was, she worked late” I said trying to keep the touch of bitterness out of my voice. 

“What about something you enjoyed doing in your own free time?” Shiga asked as she scribbled furiously on her clipboard. It was the first time today I had noticed her writing something. “For instance” she said, not missing a beat after she put her pen back down, “when I have some time to myself I enjoy reading. Is there anything like that you like to do. Reading, drawing, cooking perhaps?” My head snapped up at that.

“C-cooking!” I exclaimed, my face lighting up. “I-I like to cook.”

“Well that sounds like a good place to start” Shiga said smiling. “You have a kitchen in your dorm room, why don’t you start cooking instead of eating out. Maybe that’s even something you and Abe could do together. It might help you to understand each other more, to bond.” At the mention of Abe cooking a small frown crept up my face.

“This morning h-he, he burnt the t-toast” I said wrinkling my nose, still remembering the smell of smoke in the air. I looked back to Shiga who had suddenly covered her mouth with her hand. She was shaking slightly when a small noise escaped her. She was laughing. 

“I’m sorry Mihashi-kun” she said composing herself. “It’s just, Abe-kun it quite infamous for his cooking skills. Maybe instead of cooking together you could help teach Abe-kun how to cook.” I paled a bit at that.

“I-I’m not sure A-Abe-kun will w-want to.”

“Well why don’t you start off by asking him and see what he says. I think that this could be a good thing. And if he really doesn’t want to that’s fine. Even if Abe-kun does not participate this is still a good thing to try for your outlet. Why don’t we try it for a week or so and see how it goes. How does that sound?” I nodded my head yes, not sure of how I felt about cooking with Abe. But the thought of cooking with or without Abe made me happy enough to agree to try.

“And remember this outlet is for you Mihashi-kun. Abe-kun does not have to participate, although I would still like you to ask him. I think that this is something that could be good for the both of you.” I still wasn’t convinced that anything good could come from Abe being allowed in a kitchen, but if Shiga thought it was a good idea I would give it a try. 

“Well Mihashi-kun” Shiga said setting her clipboard aside. “I think that about covers it for today, unless there’s anything else you would like to talk about?” I shook my head no, standing from my chair when a thought came to me.

“Um, where c-can I-I buy grocery’s?”

~~

In my excitement I stumbled into the room dropping half of the groceries on the floor. I hurriedly picked them up and brought them over to the counter. I started sorting through the bags, putting everything away in its proper place. I had just put the carton of eggs away when I realized I had no idea what Abe liked to eat. I finished putting the rest of the groceries away while I thought of what to make. I decided on chicken curry because it was simple and everyone liked curry, right?

At the thought of Abe I remembered what I had talked about with Shiga. I was nervous to ask Abe if he wanted to cook with me partially because he was so intimidating and partially because of what he did to that toast. I felt a little guilty that I was cooking diner without him but Abe wasn’t in yet and I had no idea when he would be. I debated back in forth in my head for a minute about waiting for Abe to get home. I figured it was ok for me to cook at least one meal without him, I would just ask Abe in the morning. I also made a mental note to try and figure out what Abe liked to eat. 

After I was decided I went around the kitchen opening drawers and cupboards figuring out where everything was. I eventually found a rice maker, digging it out from the back of a cupboard I set it on the counter. I turned to the fridge gathering all the ingredients I would need and then got to work. 

After I finished eating I made sure to clean all of the dishes and put them back where I had found them. It was already 7:30 and Abe still wasn’t back. I decided to leave him out a plate of food, carefully wrapping it in foil to try and keep it warm. 

I left it out on the counter then headed for my room to start on some homework. Before I made it to the hallway I paused looking back at the plate. What if he didn’t see it? What if he got back so late it got cold? That was alright I guessed he could always put it in the microwave. The Microwave. I paled. The plate was wrapped in foil. Would Abe know to remove it before heating it up? What if he didn’t? I could picture in my head Abe microwaving the foil, a small explosion and the kitchen up in flames… Maybe I’ll just leave him a note I thought to myself. I walked back into the kitchen grabbing a pen and paper from a drawer. 

I reread the note three times, I hoped Abe wouldn’t be offended by it. I just wanted to make sure that what happened to the toast this morning wouldn’t happen to the microwave as well. I sighed setting it down next to the plate, hoping that when he got in he would notice it. With nothing more I could do, I left the plate and the note behind to start on my homework. 

~~

Abe was exhausted. Coach Momoe had been especially brutal at practice tonight and it left Abe wanting nothing more than to climb into his bed and promptly fall asleep. Abe turned to look at Sakaeguchi who was rambling on about something, he could hardly keep up with what he was saying. 

“Abe?” It took a moment for Abe to realize that Sakaeguchi had asked him a question.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Did Hani or Tajima say what they had to do? They normally walk back with us. But I couldn’t find them after practice.”

“They probably hid in the showers to stay and make out.” Sakaeguchi froze mid stride mouth hanging wide open.

It was a well-known fact amongst the team that Tajima and Hani were together but for whatever reason they had been keeping it a secret so the team pretended they didn’t know. Which meant they didn’t talk about it. 

Abe realized by the look on Sakaeguchi’s face he had said that outload. He just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking. It wasn’t like anyone else was around to hear them. And honestly he was too tired to care. After a minute Sakaeguchi caught back up with him changing the subject. 

“So when are you going to bring around the new guy you’re working with? What was his name again?”

“His name is Mihashi” Abe said kicking a rock out of his path, “and I don’t know, he’s kind of skittish. Plus I have a feeling that Shiga doesn’t want him around the team.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know, but she told me I wasn’t allowed to tell him that I was a catcher. So I think it’s safe to assume the subject of baseball is off limits.”

“That’s weird, did he used to play? Is that how he got injured?”

“Hey enough with the 20 questions Tajima” Abe snapped. Abe instantly regretted his tone. He turned to face Sakaeguchi who had stopped walking.

“Sorry” Abe said running his hands through his hair. “It’s just this kid, his case is confidential and I’m not even supposed to be talking with you about this. I’m just, I’m really stressed. Coach is on my back about a new pitcher, and now I have to work with this guy and I’m not even allowed to talk about it. It’s, it’s just a lot. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.

“It’s alright I get it” Sakaeguchi said shuffling his feet. “So, do you seriously think there making out in the showers?” Abe couldn’t help but laugh, glad that his friend had forgiven him so easily. 

“Without a doubt” Abe said as they started walking again.

“Hey, I almost forgot” Abe said pausing again. “I’ve got to pick up something from the REC before I head back so I’ll see you tomorrow, ok.”

“Yeah sure, see ya later Abe” Sakaeguchi said continuing on. 

“Hey Sakaeguchi” Abe shouted before he could change his mind from what he was about to do. Sakaeguchi paused looking over his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“If you really want to meet him I’m going to take him to the commons for lunch around noon. You could swing by if you want… And when you bring Tajima and Hani make sure there’s no baseball talk. I mean it.”

With a grin spreading across his face Sakaeguchi took off down the path. In the distance he could hear his voice as he shouted “See you tomorrow Abe!” 

~~

Abe was slightly surprised to find not one but two packages waiting for him when he got the REC. He knew that the x-rays were done, that’s what he came to pick up. But he wasn’t expecting anything else so when he saw the package from Shiga he was more than a little curious.

He had gotten to the REC just before it was closing so he would have to wait to get back to his room before he could open anything. Abe practically ran back the dorms. 

Walking into the room he tossed off his shoes, dropping his bags at the door. The lights in the common room were off, which probably meant Mihashi had already gone to bed. Abe kept that in mind as he quietly padded into the kitchen. He set the packages on the counter turning on the overhead light. 

As he was pouring himself a glass of water he noticed something out on the counter. It was a plate wrapped in foil with a note. Abe picked up the note and begun reading.

Abe-kun,  
I made dinner if you are hungry (Chicken Curry). If you need to heat it up put it in the microwave on medium for 2 minutes. Make sure to take off the foil before microwaving.  
–Mihashi

Abe gave a little chuckle setting the note aside in exchange for the plate. Abe could only imagine what Mihashi thought of his cooking skills if he felt the need to leave instructions on how to microwave dinner. As Abe waited for his food to heat up, foil carefully removed, he open the envelope left by Marie.

He carefully slid out the x-rays looking them over one at a time. Abe sucked in a breath of air as he took in the images laid out before him. Seeing the actual breaks in the bones from the other x-rays had been one thing but these, these were somehow much worse. The bones in Mihashi’s right arm and left leg were now held together by plates and screws. Once again Abe had a hard time comprehending how something like this could have happened. 

Mihashi had obviously been involved in some sort of violent car crash. There was no other way to explain the magnitude of his injuries. Abe had never seen an injury more extensive then this and didn’t know quite where to begin. Obviously the main focus would have to be around the injured leg and arm. It seemed that the injury to the arm was the most severe. Where the bone in his leg had been broken in multiple places, the bone in his arm looked to have been shattered. Abe was surprised that the screws had actually been holding everything in place. Even though the injuries were shocking they did seem to be healing nicely. The only other major injuries that Abe could detect were some broken ribs that were already fully healed. 

Abe set the x-rays aside heading over to the microwave that had dinged a while ago. Setting the plate on the counter to cool Abe opened the package from Shiga. The first thing to fall out was a small clear plastic box which seemed to be holding something that bore a strange resemblance to an epipen. Oh great Abe thought to himself. On top of everything else he had to worry about, now Shiga would tell him he also had to watch out for Mihashi going into anaphylactic shock. Abe mumbled to himself as he reached back into the package to pull out a slip of paper. He unfolded the paper and read-

Abe-kun,  
I talked with Mihashi-kun today and I understand that there was a minor incident. As I have told you before he is suffering from a severe case of PTSD which as a side effect can lead to panic attacks. As you know I am working with him but these things take time. I know that this is a difficult task that I have given you, but I urge you to handle Mihashi-kun with the upmost patience in mind. Along with this note I have left you a small case. Inside of which you will find a sedative and a set of instructions. I am giving you this because as I said this will not be easy, we all have a long road ahead of us. The sedative is only to be used if absolutely necessary, I trust you to be the judge of that if the time comes. I hope that at no point does it come to actually having to use that, but better to be prepared. If you have any questions or concerns please let me know.  
-Shiga

What. The. Fuck. 

After rereading the note for the third time Abe tossed it aside slumping onto a stool. Dropping his head in his hands, food completely forgotten, Abe once again found himself questioning what he had gotten himself into. The note had been far worse than anything he could have imagined. What exactly had happened to this kid to have to resort to sedating him? Did Shiga really expect him to use that on Mihashi? Yeah Mihashi had the tendency to freak out a bit, but was a sedative really necessary? One thing was for sure, if Shiga was actually giving this to Abe with permission to use it he really didn’t want to see what would have to happen for it to be needed.

~~

Abe rolled over in bed, grabbing his phone to check the time. 6:45am. He still had a good half an hour of sleep left. Groaning he rolled over intending to get as much sleep as he could. Just as Abe was settling in again his eyes snapped wide open. Bacon. He could smell bacon. Abe couldn’t even remember the last time he had bacon. Probably the last time he was home when his mother had made breakfast. Was Mihashi cooking? Abe didn’t stay in bed to figure it out.

Making his way to the kitchen, guided by his nose, the smells grew even more delicious. Not only could he clearly smell the bacon, there was coffee too. When he got to the kitchen he found Mihashi hovering over the stove stirring something in a pan. Abe didn’t want to startle the boy while he was cooking so he silently walked over to the counter and took a seat. 

Abe watched Mihashi in silence. Mihashi seemed to be doing ten things at once with no trace of frustration on his face. In fact there seemed to be a smile ghosting his lips. Abe smiled himself, seeing Mihashi was clearly in his element. Mihashi chose that moment to notice Abe. Turning from the stove catching Abe sitting at the counter Mihashi gave out a squeak dropping his spatula.

“A-Abe-kun!” Mihashi exclaimed, bending down to retrieve the fallen spatula. “I was. I j-just. I-I thought that—Good morning.”

“Morning” Abe said chuckling to himself. “I didn’t mean to scare you I just didn’t want to get in your way.” Abe watched Mihashi stand there fiddling with the spatula, unsure how to continue on. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please continue what you were doing. Don’t mind me I’m just gonna snag a cup of coffee and stay out of your way.”

As Abe came over into the kitchen Mihashi just nodded his head then went promptly back to doing, whatever it was he was doing before. Abe once again watched in silence as he slowly sipped at his freshly poured coffee. Abe didn’t think it was possible but it tasted even better than it had smelled. He wondered what Mihashi had done to make it taste so good. 

“Mihashi?” Abe asked sitting back in his stool. “Did you put something in the coffee?” Mihashi froze mid stride, two plates in hand. 

“I’m s-sorry. I didn’t m-mean to. I-I forgot. D-does A-Abe-kun not like it?” Abe shook his head realizing how he must have sounded to Mihashi. Upon seeing Abe shake his head Mihashi started to shake as well. 

“I-I’m sorry” Mihashi started, placing the plates on the counter. “I-I can make new coffee. Or A-Abe-kun can m-make it how he l-likes it. 

“No Mihashi. That’s, that’s not what I meant. The coffee is great. I was just wondering what you put in it to make it taste so good.” Mihashi stood there looking shocked for a moment before a small smile started to spread across his face.

“Nutmeg” Mihashi all but whispered. “It, it takes away s-some of the bitterness.” Abe stared at Mihashi who seemed to have drifted off into his own little world. From the look on his face he seemed to be deep in thought and Abe was almost reluctant to interrupt but he was afraid if he didn’t the boy might stand there all day. 

“So” Abe said breaking the silence. “You can cook.” Mihashi seeming to come out of his daze, gave a swift nod.

“Is one of those for me?” Abe gestured to the two plates still in front of Mihashi. Mihashi looked down in front of him, slight confusion on his face before he started nodding his head again.

“Y-yes” he said, once again picking up the plates and walking around the counter. He placed one in front of Abe setting the other down at the stool next to him. “I m-made a bit of everything because I-I didn’t know w-what Abe-kun l-liked.” Abe looked at the plate in front of him that was loaded with eggs, bacon and hashbrowns, it looked delicious.

“It all looks great Mihashi, thank you.” At that the boy gave a small smile before digging into his own food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Abe spoke up.

“By the way” Abe said after his last bite. “Thanks for the food last night. I appreciate it.” At the praise a slight blush rose to Mihashi’s face. 

“You’re w-welcome” Mihashi said a little breathless. Getting up to clear their now empty plates Abe thought that this might be a good chance to learn a little more about the boy. Who apparently had a knack for cooking.

“Where did you learn how to cook? Abe asked taking the cup Mihashi handed him. For a moment Abe thought he had upset Mihashi. Who was now avoiding looking at him, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

“My m-mom she, she w-worked late. M-my dad w-was away on business a lot. So I-I was h-home alone m-most of the time. So I had to, to cook f-for myself.” Abe wasn’t sure why but learning that Mihashi only new how to cook because his parents were basically never around seemed to fill him with anger. Trying to lighten the now gloomy mood Abe spoke up. 

“Yeah, I started a small fire on our stove once as a kid. My mom hasn’t let me near it since. So now I’m basically useless in a kitchen. You saw what I did to that toast yesterday.” Mihashi’s face seemed to be split between wanting to laugh and absolute horror. To Abe’s surprise laughing seemed to win out. Mihashi even seemed to surprise himself at the noise escaping his mouth which he covered with his hands almost instantly. 

Just as quick as it came, Abe watched the laugh leave Mihashi’s face and take on a more serious look. Mihashi had dropped his hands back to his lap to start fiddling with his shirt again. He kept on looking from Abe back to his lap. Abe was about to ask him what was wrong when Mihashi spoke.

“I-I t-talked to Sh-Shigha-hakase y-yesterday. About m-my outlet.” 

“Outlet?” Abe asked, having no idea what Mihashi was talking about.

“S-something I-I c-can do to, to help me calm d-down.” Well that made sense Abe figured seeing as how Mihashi was basically a walking bundle of nerves.

“She, she said I sh-should try using cooking. Th-that I should ask--.” Mihashi seemed to pause at that, afraid to continue. Abe figured that he would only make it worse if he pushed him so he tried to wait it out. He tried he really did, but after two minutes of Mihashi silently wringing his shirt, he was starting to lose it. 

“Ask what Mihashi?” Abe said in his most neutral tone. After another minute of silence Mihashi spoke again.

“Sh-she s-said t-to ask if. T-to ask A-Abe-kun if he wants t-to cook w-with me. S-said it c-colud help us b-bond” Abe stood stunned, watching Mihashi stare at the ground. That had not been what Abe was expecting at all. And before he even realized it words were leaving his mouth.

“But I don’t know how.” Mihashi seemed to perk up at that, almost meeting Abe’s gaze.

“I-I can t-teach you. S-so A-Abe-kun can l-learn how to cook and I-I c-can. I can w-work on m-my outlet.” Abe really didn’t think this was a good idea, like at all. Of course Shiga would think of some absolutely ridiculous idea to get them to “bond” together. She had done all sorts of this stuff to help the team out but he hadn’t expected her to do it with Mihashi as well. And everyone, even Shiga, new how horrible of a cook he was. He had literally been banned from helping with the team lunches. Why in the world would she think this was a good idea? 

Abe sighed looking back to Mihashi who was still standing there wringing his shirt looking anywhere but at Abe. He looked so desperately pitiful Abe wasn’t sure he had it in him to refuse. Abe gave another sigh and found himself saying-

“I’ll do it.” Mihashi’s head snapped up. “But I have a few conditions ok?” Mihashi was vigorously shaking his head yes. “First we can only do this in the morning because I have, um, classes, that go late. And second, the moment this starts to become too much for you to handle, we stop. Alright?” 

Mihashi was practically beaming. Abe had thought he had caught a real smile from Mihashi before but it was nothing compared to the way he looked right now. Mihashi’s eyes were so full of light and hope, Abe’s breath caught. Abe realized that he was starring. Clearing his throat he said, “We should probably get ready for rehab. We’ll leave in about ten minutes, ok?” Mihashi nodded his head still staring right at Abe.

“Th-thank you A-Abe-kun! I-I won’t l-let you down” he said, then scampered down the hall. Abe stared after Mihashi as he disappeared into his room. Abe wouldn’t admit it but at that moment his heart had been pounding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed ch 4! Feel free to review or leave me any questions/comments, you might have. Also if you want come chat me up on twitter @Otaku_Closet. As always I love you my fluffy cinnamon rolls!


	5. Slivers of trust and Making it work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off thanks to all who have stuck with me so far it means a lot. Second, I know this chapter took forever and I feel like there's not much to show for it. I keep on battling with myself on good places to stop and originally this chapter was suppose to be much longer but I decided to split it because the flow seemed off. So once again not much is happening in the chapter but I promise the next one shall be full of happenings. Once again thanks for reading and enjoy!

“Ok Mihashi before we start there are a few things I need to go over with you” Abe said as he watched Mihashi fidget in place, the boy was clearly nervous and Abe couldn’t help but want to reassure him.

“I went over your x-rays and your injuries are actually healing really well the only problem is that you’ve lost a lot of muscle, so that’s what we’re going to work on.” Mihashi was still fidgeting, seeming to take in all of his surroundings and not liking what he found. At this point Abe was pretty sure Mihashi wasn’t even listening to him. 

“Hey” Abe said taking a step toward Mihashi, grabbing one of his hands. That got his attention. Mihashi jerked his arm back trying to pull it away but Abe only held tighter. “Mihashi, look at me.” Mihashi a now trembling mess slowly lifted his gaze to meet Abe’s. Abe lifted Mihashi’s hand holding it palm to palm, just tight enough so that Mihashi wouldn’t let go. 

“I need you to take a deep breath for me, can you do that?” Surprisingly without putting up a fight Abe watched as Mihashi took a deep breath and let it go. Surprised with Mihashi’s sudden compliance Abe wondered how far he could push this new found sliver of trust. 

“Mihashi you know this is called physical therapy for a reason. There are going to be times when I have to touch you and you can’t be jerking away every time that happens. Obviously that’s something were going to have to work on so, close your eyes.” At that not only did Mihashi not close his eyes but they seemed to widen in fear. 

“W-what?” Mihashi said now trying to wiggle his hand free again. 

“Mihashi” Abe said holding his ground not letting the boy back away. “Nothing is going to happen ok. You’re just going to stand here and hold my hand. Now you can either do that with your eyes closed or staring right at them, your choice.” Abe didn’t like threatening Mihashi but he had to get through to him somehow. Mihashi snapped his eyes shut. “Good” Abe said letting out a little sigh. 

“Now I want you to focus on your breathing. I want you to take deep even breaths until they’re nice and steady.” Abe watched Mihashi breathe for a few minutes until it evened out. “Good” Abe said again giving Mihashi’s hand a little squeeze. “Now I want you to focus on my hand, feel the warmth of my palm. I want you to imagine taking that warmth and letting it fill you up.” Abe slowly let up his grip on Mihashi’s hand until it was Mihashi and not him who was holding them together. 

“You can open your eyes now Mihashi” Abe said as evenly as he could. Abe watched as Mihashi slowly opened his eyes only to stare up at Abe and smile. Abe’s breath caught in his throat and he swore for a minute his heart had actually stopped. He couldn’t help but stare back. Mihashi’s eyes were like liquid gold, Abe was sure they would be the death of him. Quickly coming back to his senses Abe let go of Mihashi’s hand and gave a small smile back. 

“That wasn’t so bad was it? Abe said more to himself then Mihashi. Abe watched Mihashi slowly shake his head as a small blush crept up his cheeks. Seeing Mihashi blush made Abe’s own cheeks heat up as he let out a shaky breath.

“We um, we’ll start doing that every day until um, so you get used to it” Abe said clearing his throat. The blush on Mihashi’s face seemed to effect Abe more then he cared to admit and he found he had trouble making eye contact. Shaking his head Abe pulled himself together.

“Now that that’s out of the way” Abe said finally looking up at the boy “I need to get you on a scale.”

Abe wasn’t happy. At all. He looked from Mihashi to the scale and back again. Abe knew the other day when he had seen Mihashi in that hospital gown that he was thinner then he thought but seeing the actual number had Abe almost fuming. Mihashi was 5’9 which should put his weight between 144lb and 176lbs. So the fact that the number on the scale was flashing 135 meant that Mihashi was severely underweight.

“You need to eat more” Abe said point blank, which had Mihashi stuttering and mumbling to himself.

“I-I eat--”

“Apparently not enough” Abe said cutting Mihashi off. “I want you to gain at least 15lbs so we’ll have to figure out a nutrition plan. Until then you just need to make sure you’re eating at least three decent meals a day, ok?” Abe watched as Mihashi nodded his head that he understood.

“Good” Abe said as he helped Mihashi off the scale. “Before we get started there are a few things that I want to go over with you” Abe said making sure he had Mihashi’s full attention this time.

“Like I said before you’ve lost a lot of muscle so we’re going to work on building that back. I want to make sure that we take it slow today so you don’t strain anything. We’re not going to focus on anything specific today, I want to do a bit of everything just to gauge where you’re at. Most importantly at any point if you feel any pain you need to tell me right away, got it?” 

“G-got it” Mihashi said nodding his head.

“Alright then, let’s get started.”

~~

The morning went by relatively smoothly. Mihashi was clearly out of shape so Abe started him off by taking him through a series of stretches. He was a bit surprised when Mihashi seemed to know what most of the stretches were, but he didn’t dwell on it. After the stretches Abe eased Mihashi into using resistance bands. Which took some time because Mihashi had no idea what they were. 

‘It’s like weight lifting’ Abe had said ‘but safer, especially for someone with an injury.’ Abe explained to Mihashi that the bands only allowed you to do what you can already do so that way you aren’t over exerting yourself and taking on more than you can handle. They spent the rest of the morning with Abe putting Mihashi through different workouts using the bands. 

The only issue there really was, was Mihashi’s flinching away. They boy clearly didn’t like being touched and Abe found himself frustrated. It was annoying when every time Abe would reach for the boy to show him how to do something he would instantly jerk away. More than once Abe found himself on the verge of shouting at Mihashi but he surprisingly, though difficultly, had kept his emotions in check. Mostly. 

Abe liked to end every workout with a light jog just to keep the muscles loose, but in Mihashi’s case he hoped it would help him build up some stamina. Abe was surprised when they rounded the track and caught a glimpse of the time. Their two hours were up, the morning had gone a lot faster than he thought it would. 

“Alright Mihashi after this lap we’ll call it a day” Abe said slightly out of breath. Abe looked to his left to see a struggling Mihashi. His face was flushed with heat and his breath was coming in short huffs. Abe was actually surprised he was still standing. He looked like he was going to drop at any moment. As they reached the end of the track that is exactly what he did. 

For a moment Abe panicked thinking Mihashi had actually passed out. When he realized this was not the case he couldn’t help but laugh. Mihashi, had very ungracefully, flopped spread eagle onto the ground. Abe watched as Mihashi gaped taking in deep breaths of air trying to catch his breath. He looked like a fish.

Abe was now doubled over with laughter trying to catch his own breath. When his laughter subsided he made his way over to Mihashi sticking out a hand to help him up. Surprisingly Mihashi took Abe’s hand without question letting the taller boy hoist him off the ground. 

“You did good today” Abe said as he helped the boy up. Mihashi tried to give Abe a small smile but he was still having trouble breathing. 

“Why don’t we go get cleaned up and after that we can grab some lunch” Abe said looking at the still panting boy. Mihashi nodded his head in agreement still not having enough air to form words. Abe led the way to the locker room where they both quickly showered and changed. 

As they headed over to the commons Abe couldn’t help but think back on his conversation with Sakaeguchi from the other evening. He knew he had offered for him to come to lunch with them but now he wasn’t so sure it had been a good idea. Should he warn Mihashi that they might be joined for lunch or would that only make him more anxious? Abe wasn’t sure what the better option was. He hadn’t actually thought that Mihashi would agree to come. 

Abe had actually been surprised by Mihashi’s agreement to go to lunch with him in the first place, seeing as to what happened the other day. When Abe had offered to take Mihashi to lunch he had accepted at first but the second they had walked into the commons he had frozen. It had taken Abe five minutes just to pull Mihashi out of the doorway and off to the side. When he had asked what was wrong all he got was a jumble of broken words in response. Followed by what he could only assume was the word sorry before Mihashi had turned and bolted back out the door leaving Abe standing there dumfounded. 

As they reached the building Abe wasn’t too excited about the prospects of a repeat of that happening. As Abe was about to open the door for them he quickly decided against it turning to face Mihashi instead.

“Mihashi?” Abe said grabbing the boy’s attention before he walked strait into him. Mihashi’s head snapped up stopping him just in time. 

“Y-yes A-Abe-kun?” Mihashi asked, staring at Abe like a deer in headlights. Now that he had Mihashi’s attention he had no idea how to start. He ran his hand through his hair thinking of how to make this as little awkward as possible. 

“Do you--” Abe started, then abruptly cut himself off. He really didn’t want to bring up what happened and make Mihashi feel bad, but he wasn’t sure he could avoid it. Taking a breath he tried again. “Are you sure you want to go in there?” Abe watched Mihashi waiting to see what his reaction would be. To Abe’s dismay it didn’t seem to be a good one. Abe watched as Mihashi seemed to curl in on himself, biting his lip and lowering his gaze to the ground.

“I-I don’t h-have to eat lunch w-with A-Abe-kun. I-I c-can go back--”

“That’s not what I meant” Abe said cutting Mihashi off. He sighed running his hand through his hair again. It looks like I’m just gonna have to come out and say it, he thought. 

“I just meant that I wasn’t sure if you were comfortable eating here after what happened the other day. You know, after you…ran away. I just wanted to make sure you were ok before we went inside. It’s ok if you’re not Mihashi. You don’t have to eat here.”

“N-no I-I want to eat here w-with A-Abe-kun. I, I just--” Abe was a little surprised at the outburst, but mostly confused. Mihashi looked so torn. Abe couldn’t help but wonder what was making him so anxious.

“What is it?” Abe asked trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible, hoping it would get him some answers.

“Th-there’s just so m-many people. A-and I-I g-get nervous” Mihashi admitted, peeking up at Abe. 

“What are you nervous about? Abe couldn’t help but ask. Mihashi instantly started shaking his head, taking a small step back. 

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to tell me.” Abe said trying to keep the boy from bolting on him again. Abe knew now that going inside was obviously a big deal for Mihashi like an obstacle he needed to overcome and Abe for some reason wanted to help. 

“There’s nothing to worry about, ok? I’ll be with you the whole time. I won’t let anything happen.” Abe had surprised himself by the words that seemed to fall out of his mouth, but by the look on Mihashi’s face he knew it had been the right thing to say. 

“Y-you promise” Mihashi all but whispered.

“Promise” Abe said, a slight catch in his breathing. At that Mihashi gave a quick nod to his head which Abe took as he was ready to go. Abe gave a small nod back then turned to the door opening it leading Mihashi inside.

~~

The room was crowded. Even a bit more crowded then Abe was comfortable with. Which had him constantly looking to his side to check to see how Mihashi was doing. Other than looking a bit paler then usual he was still there following at Abe’s side so he guessed he was doing ok. 

Abe lead them through the throngs of people standing and milling about, either catching up with friends between classes or getting lunch themselves. 

Abe was just about to ask Mihashi what kind of food he wanted when he felt a tug on his hand. Abe looked down at his hand to find it being firmly grasped by Mihashi’s. Abe was so surprised by the gesture he didn’t even have time to be embarrassed about it. He looked over to Mihashi who looked no less the than terrified. He swore Mihashi had been fine a moment ago so where had this new found fright come from?

Abe pushed his questioning out of his mind giving Mihashi’s hand a gentle squeeze back hoping to pull the boys focus from whatever was brewing in his head to himself. Mihashi slowly looked up at Abe who gave him a reassuring smile. 

“I’m not going anywhere” Abe said, when he felt the boy tighten his grip. “Come on, let’s go find some food.” With Mihashi’s hand still grasped firmly in his own he steered them over to the food court. 

It took him longer then it normally would have but they finally got their food and found a mostly empty table near the window to sit at. Abe sat facing Mihashi letting the boy sit on the side with his back facing the wall. Abe thought it might make Mihashi more comfortable in the crowded room knowing no one could come up behind him. 

Abe watched Mihashi as they ate. He did seem to have calmed down a bit, but with all the noise in the room Mihashi was a flinching mess. It wasn’t exactly ideal but at least the boy hadn’t run away. Yet. Thinking of a way to distract the boy from the noise around him Abe remembered he needed to talk to Mihashi about his nutrition. 

“Mihashi” Abe said breaking through the noise. Mihashi looked up at Abe, fork halfway to his mouth. “Do you remember before how I said you should be eating at least three times a day?” Abe watched as Mihashi slowly nodded his head yes, a bit confused. “Well we should probably change that to at least four or five, ok?” Mihashi’s eyes seemed to bug out of his head at the prospect of having to eat so much food. “It’s just for a little while” Abe said at the look on Mihashi’s face. “Just until you start gaining some weight back.”

“We definitely need to watch what you eat along with how much. Since you’ll be mainly cooking instead of eating out that will definitely help. We just need to make sure you’re cooking healthy. I’ll ask Shinooka--”

Abe was abruptly cut off by the sound of his name being shouted from across the cafeteria. He swiftly turned in his seat to find Tajima a few tables away frantically waving his arms. Trailing behind him was Sakaeguchi and a not to happy looking Hani. 

Shit. With all his worrying over Mihashi he had totally forgotten about Sakaeguchi showing up. And it seemed like he made good on his promise of bringing along Tajima and Hani. Abe quickly turned back around to face a nervous looking Mihashi, he had to warn him, and fast. 

“It’s ok” Abe explained. “Those are just some of my friends. We usually eat lunch together so that’s probably why they’re headed this way. Do you mind if they sit with us?” Abe watched as Mihashi’s face drained of color. Not good he thought attempting to explain further. “They’re all really nice I promise. Although Tajima is a bit loud and obnoxious he’s completely harmless I swear.” Mihashi did not look convinced. In a last ditch effort Abe decided to tell Mihashi the truth. 

“The thing is Sakaeguchi was pestering me the other day about meeting you so I kind of invited him to lunch with us and I knew he would want to bring Hani and Hani and Tajima are sort of a package deal so… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I guess I just figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. I can tell them to go away if you want.” Mihashi seemed to be thinking something over in his head. Abe was worried for a minute that Mihashi would actually tell Abe to turn them away. Abe was surprised when that wasn’t the case. 

“N-no I-I want t-to meet A-Abe-kuns friends.”

“Are you sure? You don’t mind?”

“I-if they are as n-nice as A-Abe-kun th-then I-I don’t mind” Mihashi said, refusing to meet Abe’s gaze. Abe sat there staring at Mihashi. He hadn’t expected that. He was stopped from thinking that much into it though because at that moment his friends had reached their table.

“Hey Abe didn’t you see me waving?” Tajima asked as he plopped himself down on the bench next to Abe waving his arms once again for emphasis. 

“Sorry must have missed it” Abe lied, teasing the overtly dramatic boy.

“The whole cafeteria saw you waving baka.” Hani said curtly, shoving Tajima over so he could sit between him and Abe. Sakaeguchi was the last to arrive at the table taking the only available seat left which was right next to Mihashi. Once everyone was seated and nothing dramatic happened like the table exploding (or Mihashi running away) Abe released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.

Abe leaned over the table gesturing to each of his friends as he introduced them. “Mihashi this is Hani, Tajima, and Sakaeguchi. Guys this is Mihashi my new roommate” Abe said, once again finding himself holding his breath. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to happen but was relieved when nothing did. Abe wasn’t surprised though when Tajima was the first to speak up.

“Hi Mihashi! Nice to meetchya!” Tajima practically shouted.

“Jeeze!” Hani exclaimed covering his ears. “He’s not deaf Tajima.”

“Yeah it’s nice to finally meet you” Sakaeguchi chimed in. Mihashi sat there staring at the group before him looking more overwhelmed then Abe had ever seen him. Abe watched Mihashi’s face intently waiting for the panic to finally set in and the boy to cry or bolt. Abe was a bit surprised when he found Mihashi’s gaze turning to him. 

Instead of looking at Abe with panic it was almost as if he was looking at Abe to steady himself. Abe found himself giving Mihashi a small nod as if to encourage the boy to speak up. Seeing Abe nod seemed to give Mihashi the confidence he needed because a moment later he was talking. 

“N-nice t-to meet you t-too” Mihashi finally said eyes darting back and forth from the group to his now forgotten tray of food. Sakaeguchi gave Mihashi a small smile taking his response as a go ahead to continue talking to him.

“How do you like it here so far?” he asked. Realizing that Sakaeguchi was still talking to him Mihashi began to fidget. 

“I-It’s n-nice” Mihashi said taking his anxiety out on his shirt wringing it in his hands. 

“Abe hasn’t been giving you any trouble has he?” Hani suddenly asked, although it sounded more like a demand then a question. Mihashi reacted instantly to Hani’s tone, giving a sudden jolt and shaking his head so fast it almost gave Abe whiplash. Abe was about to speak up to tell Hani to take it down a notch when he spoke again. 

“You just let us know if this oaf is ever giving you a hard time and we’ll straighten him out for you, ok?” Hani gestured toward Abe. Once again Mihashi reacted instantly nodding his head yes. 

“Don’t let Hani intimidate you” Tajima said, speaking up before Abe could. Tajima then leaned over the table toward Mihashi cupping a hand to his mouth as if to keep the rest of the table form hearing what he was about to say next. “I know he acts like a tough guy but he’s actually a big softy. And if you ever need a break from Abe or just someone to hang with you just come straight to me ok” he said with a wink. 

“What the Hell is that supposed to mean?!” Hani interjected. All the while glaring at Tajima as he sat back down.

“Exactly what is sounds like grandpa” Tajima answered with the most devilish grin on his face. 

Abe watched Mihashi as Tajima and Hani began bantering back and forth and was glad to see that he didn’t look absolutely terrified. Although he did look like he wanted to get up and run, he didn’t, and that’s all that mattered. He had been worried about how Mihashi would react to meeting his friends but he never really considered what they might think of Mihashi. Abe smiled to himself relieved that for the most part it seemed his friends had accepted Mihashi without question. Maybe, just maybe, Abe thought to himself, he could actually make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading Ch5 I hope you enjoyed it! As always if you have and questions/comments/concerns, feel free to leave me a comment or chat me up on twitter @Otaku_Closet. Until next time!


	6. Melted Spatulas and Calming Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... It's been. Awhile. Yup. For all of those who have and continue to stick around, thank you. That is all. P.S. thank you to all the well wishes :)

He couldn’t make this work.

 

What the hell had he been thinking agreeing to cook with Mihashi? It had already been over a week and the only thing he had accomplished was to melt a spatula, set the fire alarm off twice (which his dorm mates weren’t exactly appreciative of, being woken up before 7:30 and all) and turned a pot of oatmeal into something that could only be described as having come from a SyFy movie. All in all if anything Abe had only cemented the fact that he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a kitchen. Not currently standing in one, hovering over a bowl, stirring what used to resemble pancake batter.

 

Abe let out a sigh looking over to Mihashi who was frantically trying to save what Abe had earlier done to the eggs. Abe knew that this wasn’t working but how was he supposed to tell Mihashi that. Mihashi had been so happy when Abe had agreed to cook with him and he didn’t want to take that away from him, but at this rate it was only a matter of time before something more serious happened. Speaking of more serious, if Mihashi didn’t take this bowl away from him their pancakes were going to turn out with the consistency more along the lines of a brick then a pancake.

 

Abe stole another glance over his shoulder looking to see if Mihashi had calmed down enough from him ruining the eggs to tell him that he was probably ruining the pancakes as well. He watched as Mihashi scampered back and forth from one side of the kitchen to the other mumbling under his breath. This probably wasn’t the best time to tell Mihashi about the pancakes, but on the other hand Mihashi looked so frazzled that he might not even notice.

 

Abe let out a long sigh, he was never one to give up, but he knew a lost cause when he saw it. So he let go of the spatula he had been using to “stir” the pancake batter that had somehow become so thick that the spatula was now standing straight up of its own accord.

 

“Mihashi” Abe said trying to grab his attention, as he turned away from the bowl. The boy was clearly lost to his own thoughts as he moved back from counter to counter. Abe tried again a bit louder this time.

 

“Mihashi this isn’t working” he said leaning back on the counter.

 

“I-it’s o-okay, A-Abe-kun can do it. Just st-stir like I-I showed you” Mihashi responded not stopping in his movements.

 

Abe let out a sigh, clearly Mihashi didn’t exactly get what he was trying to say. Abe wished that this could be an easy conversation. To just be able to tell Mihashi that he couldn’t cook with him anymore, but he knew with Mihashi nothing was ever quite that simple. First he was going to have to actually get the boys attention and then somehow make him understand what he was saying. He took a deep breath trying to mentally prepare himself for how this conversation was going to go, then dove in.

 

“That’s not what I meant Mihashi” he tried again looking for some sort of reaction from the boy. Abe mine as well have been talking to a brick wall. Abe could feel his frustration mounting as he watched the boy continue to flit back and forth.

 

“Hey can you just-”

 

“J-just k-keep stirring.”

 

“Mihashi.”

 

“J-just o-one sec-”

 

Having reached his limit Abe lunged off the counter grabbing one of Mihashi’s wrists, abruptly dragging him away from the stove and trapping him between the counter. Mihashi let out a yelp of surprise that Abe couldn’t help but flinch at, already feeling guilty for scaring the boy. Mihashi had clearly not been expecting Abe to grab him like he had and was looking up at him with fear. Abe quickly let go of his wrist taking a step back trying to show him he meant no harm. 

 

“I’m sorry for grabbing you like that Mihashi” Abe said trying to calm his voice. “It’s just, we need to talk.” Mihashi just stood there silently, still confused as to what just happened. Now that he clearly had Mihashi’s attention Abe found that he had no idea how to do this. He had no idea how to tell Mihashi what he needed to. He didn’t want to hurt Mihashi’s feelings but this obviously wasn’t working. He knew if he didn’t tell him now he would lose what little nerve he had left and before he realized what he was doing Abe had blurted it out.

 

“I don’t think we should cook together anymore.”

 

Abe felt as shocked at himself for his outburst as Mihashi looked. Mihashi flinched away from the words like Abe had just slapped him with them. He knew he had to explain before things got out of hand.

 

“Mihashi” Abe said letting out a long sigh “This just, it’s not working” Abe said gesturing towards the kitchen.

 

“It’s f-fine” Mihashi said finding his voice. “A-Abe-kun j-just needs a little m-more practice.”

 

“Mihashi it’s already been over a week and you haven’t had a proper breakfast for any of those days because of me.”

 

“B-but th-that’s n-not-”

 

“Mihashi listen we tried ok, like I said we would, but sometimes things just don’t work out. The whole point of this was to help you calm down, do you feel calm right now?”

 

“I-I I’m f-fine!”

 

“Then how come you’re not looking at me? Mihashi?” Abe watched as the boy he was currently arguing with stare pointedly at the ground refusing to meet his gaze. How was he supposed to make him understand if he wouldn’t even look at him? So for the second time that morning Abe found himself suddenly reaching out for Mihashi, grabbing his chin, forcing the boy to look up at him. The second Mihashi’s gaze met his own he regretted everything. Abe felt his stomach drop as the tears he knew Mihashi had been holding back this entire time started to spill over. Abe could only stand there staring at Mihashi who was full on sobbing now and think, I caused this. Abe silently cursed himself for being so careless.

 

“I-I’m s-sorry” Mihashi choked out, tears running down his face. “M-my f-fault. Suppose to t-teach A-Abe-kun. L-let A-Abe-kun d-down. F-failed h-him. All m-my f-fault.”

 

There were a lot of things that Abe could deal with in his life but Mihashi crying was not one of them. Abe was one of those awkward people that the second someone got emotional he had no idea what to do and usually ended up making the situation worse. But when it came to Mihashi all he wanted to do was wrap the boy in his arms and tell him everything was going to be ok. Especially now seeing as how he had somehow just made Mihashi apologize for something that wasn’t even his fault. Abe felt like the biggest ass in the world.  

 

“Hey listen to me Mihashi” Abe said trying to snap him out of it. Even though he was still holding the boy’s face it was clear that Mihashi had turned in on himself and wasn’t going to come out of it without help. After another hiccup and sob let out from the boy, and more, now incoherent rambling, Abe tried again.

 

“Mihashi, hey, look at me” Abe said moving his hand from the boys chin to wipe away the stray tears that were still running down his face. “Listen to me, you didn’t do anything wrong ok.” Mihashi, who now seemed to hear Abe, shook his head violently in his grasp. “Hey, you didn’t” Abe responded, moving his hand from Mihashi’s cheek to the back of his neck holding him in place. “This isn’t your fault. If anyone is to blame here it’s me. I should have never agreed to this and got your hopes up. I’m so sorry. Just please, don’t cry.”

 

Abe was leaning forward about to touch foreheads with Mihashi when at the last moment he abruptly pulled back. What was he doing? It was one thing to calm Mihashi even comfort him but lately when Mihashi was involved Abe just couldn’t seem to get a handle on his emotions or as it seemed, to keep his hands to himself. Realizing that this whole situation was quickly working its way into dangerous territory he quickly let go of Mihashi taking a step back from the boy.

 

“Why don’t we finish talking about this later ok? If we don’t leave soon we’re going to be late for rehab. I’ll grab us some power bars while you get ready ok?” Mihashi slowly nodded his head and then retreated down the hall. Abe sighed as he watched Mihashi disappear into his room. Abe knew that this was going to get back to Shiga and he dreaded thinking of how that conversation was going to go when she found out that he had basically just bailed on Mihashi’s outlet.

 

_Shit._ What did he just do?

 

~~~

 

The Commons was crowded. Again. More than it normally was. Even though I had been coming here for over a week now it was still something I wasn’t used to. Abe and I started going every day after rehab to meet up with Sakaeguchi, Tajima, and Hani for lunch. I was currently trying to keep up with the table’s conversation but not doing a very good job.

 

I couldn’t help but stare at the ground, there were just too many people around and it felt like everyone was watching me. I felt too exposed here, too vulnerable, but I couldn’t tell Abe that, he wouldn’t understand. And plus I didn’t want to disappoint him. Abe seemed to like coming here and eating with his friends and I didn’t want to take that away from him. I knew that if I told him that I wasn’t comfortable here we would leave, but I couldn’t do that. So I sat quietly, trying to ignore everything else around me and just focus on what everyone was talking about but it was becoming difficult.

 

Although I had begun to get used to Tajima’s antics and Hani’s seriousness I still found myself fidgeting. I quickly started to lose tract of the argument that Hani and Tajima were having (I think it had been about movies this time) there was just too much noise. And I couldn’t help but flinch every time Tajima reached too far across the table making a wild hand gesture. I was glad that even though that happened about every two minutes no one commented on it.

 

Normally on a good day it wouldn’t have bothered me so much but I guess I was still worked up over what happened this morning. I thought that everything had been going fine, but I guess I was wrong. I know that Abe had said that it wasn’t my fault but that’s not how it felt. I felt like I had let Abe down, that I had disappointed him. But I wasn’t only letting down Abe was I? It was Shiga-hakase who had thought that this would work. How was I going to tell Shiga? How was I going to tell her that I had failed?

 

All of a sudden I felt trapped. With the noise in the commons increasing and Tajima’s gestures becoming wilder I could feel my fidgeting turn into small tremors. I wrung my hands in my lap trying to keep my rising panic at bay. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt someone else’s hand close around my own.

 

I looked down to see Abe’s hand gently wrestling with my own until my hand was firmly grasped with his. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze gently rubbing his thumb back and forth across my knuckles and after a few moments of this I could feel myself starting to calm down.

 

This was something that Abe and I didn’t talk about. It had started that first day when we had come to the commons. I had gotten so overwhelmed that without thinking I had reached out for Abe’s hand and surprisingly he took it without question. After that first time it just sort of started happening. Abe was mostly the one who initiated it, just reaching out for my hand and grabbing on when he could tell I was starting to panic, but I took it gratefully, still too nervous to reach out myself, afraid that he would reject me.

 

Now that I was once again calm, or as calm as I was going to get sitting in a room full of hundreds of other people, I glanced down at our intertwined fingers giving them a tentative squeeze just to let Abe know that I was ok again. I eventually lifted my gaze back up to Abe who was still talking to Sakaeguchi like nothing had happened, smiling to myself as I felt Abe’s hand squeeze back.

 

~~~

 

“A-Abe-kun w-wait!” I half shouted as Abe got up from the table, I hadn’t realized how much time had passed. With everything that had happened between this morning and lunch I had forgotten to ask Abe what he wanted for dinner. Now that lunch was over and I forgot to ask again I had to ask him before he left for class or I would miss my chance and I didn’t want to make something that Abe wouldn’t like and—

 

“What is it Mihashi?” The sound of Abe’s voice had pulled me back and I looked up to find that I was the only one still sitting at the table. Everyone had already gotten up and was now making their way through the cafeteria. I hurriedly got up to join them, tripping only once. Though there wasn’t really any reason to rush I knew that Abe would wait for me.

 

When we finally made it outside I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I was glad to be out of the commons but now that we were out I started to get anxious. As we began walking again I couldn’t help but work my shirt into a wrinkled mess. All I had to do was ask him before he went to class or I would miss my chance. Again.

 

“You ok?” Abe asked noticing something was off. Before I knew what I was doing I had shouted.

 

“Dinner!”

 

“What?” Abe asked, stopping in his tracks, looking a little taken aback from my sudden outburst.

 

“I-I f-forgot to ask w-what you want for d-diner tonight” I mumbled to the ground, having lost my sudden burst of confidence.

 

“Oh, um it doesn’t matter to me Mihashi, whatever you feel like” Abe said with a shrug. I wasn’t exactly sure how to take that. Did that mean he wanted me to make something that I wanted or was I supposed to know what he wanted? But that’s why I was asking. I was still getting to know what it was that Abe liked to eat and I didn’t want to make him something he wouldn’t like.

 

“Oh, o-okay” I said, somehow now feeling even more nervous than before I had asked. I had just begun to walk away when I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down to see Abe standing next to me with a hold on the end of my sleeve.

 

“Mihashi” Abe started. “It doesn’t matter, because all of your food is great” at that my head snapped up. Did Abe, just, compliment me? I was about to say something, to question his words, but it seemed Abe wasn’t finished yet. “I’m sure that no matter what you make I’ll enjoy it” the words I was about to say instantly died in my mouth, leaving it hanging there gaping like a fish. “So just make whatever you want to ok.” Abe then reached out a hand to ruffle my hair, leaving my face fifty shades of red.

 

I was stunned. No one had ever said anything like that to me before and I had no idea how to react. All I could do was stand there staring at him, with my face feeling brighter than the sun. It occurred to me after a moment that I should probably thank him, but once again my words were cut off as something came hurtling in front of me.

 

I let out a yelp as whatever it was came crashing right between me and Abe, breaking the grip that Abe had on my shirt, causing me to stumble backwards. Right as I was sure I was going to hit the ground I felt something grab me pulling me back up. I realized then by the face staring directly in front of me that it wasn’t a what, but a who. Tajima stood in front of me with both hands on my arms and the biggest grin on his face.

 

“What the fuck Tajima?!” I heard Abe shout, from where he now stood somewhere behind me.

 

“Mihashi!” Tajima shouted ignoring Abe completely. I couldn’t help but flinch away. “You can cook?!” he shouted again now shaking me back and forth from the hold he had on my arms.     

 

“Y-yes?” I questioned still not sure what had just happened or what was going on.

 

“You have to cook for me! Please!”

 

“Tajima you can’t just demand that someone cook you food” I heard Abe say from somewhere over my shoulder.

 

“You don’t understand” Tajima went on. “My mom used to cook dinner every night and I haven’t had it in soooo long. And I miss it. I need real food! Mihashi Pleeease!” I began to relax a little in Tajima’s grip as his words finally begun to sink in. At first I thought he was mad, but as I looked at him now what I had mistaken for anger seemed to be excitement? Did Tajima really want me to cook for him? Was he being serious or was this some sort of trick? I didn’t know what to do, but with Tajima standing in front of me looking so eager I couldn’t say no. Before I could think any more about it I heard myself muttering.

 

“O-okay”

 

“Seriously?!” Tajima shouted, now jumping up and down. All I could do was shake my head yes. “Mihashi you’re the best!” he said with a woop, now bounding over to where Hani stood. “Hani did you hear that Mihashi is going to cook for us! I’m so excited! Is tonight good for you?”

 

“Wait, what?” Abe interjected.

 

“No that’s too soon isn’t it? How about this weekend?”

 

“Tajima hold on just a minute.”

 

“What about Saturday? Yeah Saturday sounds good.”

 

“Mihashi” Abe called making his way back over to me, leaving Hani to deal with the whirlwind that was Tajima. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. It’s ok to say no.” As I looked from Abe back over to Tajima, who was now dancing around Hani, all the fear I had begun to fade away. 

 

“I-its ok. I-I w-want to.”

 

“See Abe he wants to” Tajima said sticking his tongue out. “So Saturday is good then. What are you gonna make? No, wait! Don’t tell me! It can be a surprise! Hey Hani, wha-”

 

“We need to go to class” was all Hani said interrupting Tajima, as he picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. I could only stand and stare as Hani started to walk away toting Tajima like he was his book bag.

 

“Oh yeah, class, right” Tajima said, not even putting up a fight. “See you later Mihashi! And Saturday, see you Saturday!” I could still hear Tajima shouting as Hani turned a corner and they slipped out of view. As I watched them leave I couldn’t stop the smile that was growing on my face.

 

~~~

 

I had been so excited to cook for everyone that before I knew it, it was already Saturday. It had taken me all week to decide what I was going to make but after a very long debate in my head I had finally decided on making gyoza. I knew it was a simple dish but I wanted to make something that everyone would like. Plus because of how much it makes I knew there would be enough for everyone, even with how much Tajima eats.

 

Even though there wasn’t much to the dish there was a lot of time involved in making it. So I had made sure I had gotten up early to go to the campus store so I could get back in plenty of time to start cooking. Abe hadn’t even been awake by the time I had gotten back. I noticed that even though Abe didn’t seem to be a morning person the only day he slept in on was Saturday. I kept that in mind as I worked my way around the kitchen trying to make as little noise as possible. I hummed quietly to myself as I went about the kitchen gathering up everything I would need and bringing it over to the counter. Once I had everything that I needed I got to work.

 

I had everything just about ready to go when I realized that I never got the steamer out. I remembered earlier in the week having asked Abe if we had a steamer and he had said that he remembered seeing one in the hall closet. So I paused what I was doing and went over to the closet to have a look.

 

It took me a couple of tries to get the door open but after one last shove it finally swung in. As I took a look around the closet I wasn’t surprised to see that is was mostly empty. Other than a mop, broom, and a vacuum there were only a few other random things inside. Abe had said that he didn’t really keep anything in here because the door was always getting stuck.

 

I moved the few boxes that there had been on the shelves around and was just about to give up when I saw on the very top shelf sat the steamer. Of course it was too high for me to reach but I figured if I could just pull myself up on the bottom shelf I could grab it.

 

I put my knee up on the bottom shelf pulling myself up, smiling when I reached out and was actually able to grab the steamer. I held the steamer as I lowered myself back down, but it was too late that I realized how far up I actually was.

 

As I let go of the shelf thinking the ground was right below my foot I let out a yelp as my foot met air and I fell. It was only a foot or so but it was enough to throw off my balance sending me falling right into the door slamming it shut. As I slowly got up off the floor I grabbed my shouldering wincing in pain, I was sure to have a bruise by morning.

 

It was hard to see in the closet now that the door was shut and there was no light. After a few seconds of blind searching I found the door handle and turned it to open, but instead of the light from the hall all I was meet with was resistance. I turned the handle again giving it a firm tug but still nothing. After the third tug I had begun to panic.

 

Why wasn’t the door opening? I knew that the door had a problem of getting stuck but Abe never mentioned anything about it locking. I gave up tugging on the door instead I began to pound on it as my situation started to fully sink in. I was trapped. Just like last time. I could feel myself begin to shake as the memory started to come back in force.

 

_The room was hot and dark. I blinked my eyes a few times trying to adjust to the darkness but I couldn’t make out anything. I tried to sit up but as I went to push myself up off the floor I couldn’t get my arms to move. I felt a hitch in my breath as I realized they were tied. I struggled against the restraints but they didn’t budge. I tried to figure out where I was but it was just too dark. I had to get up. I had to move. I tried to roll over onto my knees so I could stand, my breathing became more ragged as I realized my ankles had been bound too. What was going on?!_ _Before I could ask myself anymore questions I heard a creaking noise. I turned to the noise automatically, squinting as the room was suddenly flooded with light. I sucked in a breath as I saw there was a person standing in a doorway. I was about to call out to them to beg and plead for their help but as my gaze fell upon their face all I could do was scream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was suppose to be a lot longer but it already took so long to put out that I cut it in half so it ends on a hopefully not to horrible cliffhanger... don't hate me.


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